Miracles of miracles! Just after I’d given up all hope, I received the following email from my old friend Ali –

“Dear Hazzencockle,

Qiute a while ,good to hear from you ,although still on my sick bed i’m still doing better.
Ofcourse your mail sounded a little difiicult but i did pick something off it, I would like you to come straight into this project by providing me the necissary information as regarding your ID’s / address for me to forward you all the documents relating to the fund.


He’s alive! Thrilled, I responded –

“Ali, you‘re back! When I didn’t hear from you, I imagined the worst (ie. Your decrepit corpse lying overlooked on the grounds of some Argentinian teaching hospital, subject to ignominious abuse at the hands of stick-wielding children and angry kangaroos). Thankfully, my worst fears have not been realized and you (and your money) are still out there for me. I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see you’re still clinging to whatever tenuous strand of life you still possess.

I hope you don’t mind, but I gave the go-ahead to start work on our orphan castle. Last week, we finally broke ground on ALI IN THE FAMILY – HOME FOR ORPHANS AND ALOYSIUS P. HAZZENCOCKLE. Unfortunately, because you didn’t get back to me in time, we lost out on the trebuchet (Adam Baldwin got it) and will have to special order the crocodiles if we still want them. They will take 8-10 weeks to ship which means that if we order now, they should get here for late October. How many would you like? I’m thinking about twenty. Any more would be garish and any less would be kind of pointless.

Finally, it really warms my heart to know that we are helping the second neediest of all of God’s creations (lemurs, in my opinion, still hold onto the number one spot). In the words of Celine Dion: “I believe that children are our future”. And bless their industrious little hearts, given the cheap labor contract I’ve just signed with a major sneaker manufacturer, it’ll be rosy future indeed.


Aloysius P. Hazzencockle”

Some of you have complained about the fact that I’ve ignored your questions and I want to make it clear that it‘s nothing personal. If I‘ve failed to answer your question, it probably has more to do with the question itself than you as a person. As I‘ve stated in previous entries, there are certain queries I will not respond to. Specifically –

1. Questions demanding major spoilers. Who is the father Teyla’s baby? Will John and Teyla get together? How are you planning to bring Beckett back? If I gave you the answer, there would be no point in you tuning in to find out.

2. Questions I have already answered. I realize that not everyone reads my blog every day (And, might I add, shame on you). Nevertheless, I’d prefer to concentrate on queries and comments that have yet to be addressed instead of rehashing old news.

3. Questions that really should be directed somewhere else. I have no control over when T.V. Tazmania chooses to air Stargate, and I have even less control over when the DVD’s are released, who appears on the box set cover, or how the network goes about promoting the show.

4. Detailed questions related to the mythology of either show. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m more than happy to answer a question here and there regarding what has come before and how it all fits into the grand scheme of things, but I tend to skip over queries that will require a two or three page response.

5. Questions related to the actors’ personal lives or behind-the-scenes decisions won’t be answered for obvious reasons.

6. Questions that may seem innocuous enough but, if answered, will require me to divulge spoilers. Also, similar yes/no questions that require me to either confirm or deny that some major event will take place.

7. Questions that I don’t have the answer to simply because we haven’t gotten there yet.

Let’s see how we do today…

Anonymous #1 writes: “Bring back Ford please .. Yes?”

Answer: 2.

J writes: “From previous ads and such, we see that Bill Dow will make an appearance on SGA, Any chance Gary Jones will appear on SGA during season 4?”

Answers: 2 and 2.

Anonymous #2 writes: “If Atlantis is renewed for a 5th season and you continue to air 20 episodes each, the 100th episode would fall into the season 5 finale slot. In your opinion, would you do a comedy style episode like you did in SG-1 or would you rather acknowledge it being the 100th episode in the trailer and have it be a normal action packed season finale?”

Answer: Since it would be a season finale, we would make it a true season finale. BIG.

Anonymous #3 writes: “In Season 4 will there be any more main character deaths like Carson’s?”

Answer: 6.

Nicholas a ecrit: “Vous ètes entrain de tourner quel épisode cette semaine?”

Reponse: Quarantine.

Anonymous #4 writes: “When it comes to naming the Daedelus-class battlecruisers you’ve gone for ancient Greek characters and symbols. IF (and big if it seems) we get to see a new cruiser in seasons 4 or 5, will you continue to name them as such (like the Zeus or the Hephaiston)?”

Answer: 7.

PalmerEldritch writes: “Check out A Game of Thrones if you feel like reading some Fantasy.”

Answer: I’ll be reading it on my way to Comic Con.

Shawna writes: “So, after having finished HP, how does it rank up with the others for you?”

Answer: Goblet of Fire is my favorite followed by The Philosophers Stone and Azkaban. That said, this last one had the best first 100 pages of any book in the series.

Grey writes: “Does the director of the episode look over the scene and say “Agh! Change that!” and hover over the shoulder of the post-production crew, or is it the DP’s job?”

Answer: The director produces his own cut (the director’s cut).

Wynterblue writes: “Ben Browder was originally supposed to play Sheppard on Atlatis? What happened?”

Answer: He was never “supposed to play Sheppard”. His name came up as a possible candidate very early on, but he was too busy with the Farscape mini-series for us to seriously consider.

Lady Dulcinea writes: “Does Fondy read much? What does she enjoy?”

Answer: She enjoys the fiction best-sellers like The Davinci Code. She just started the latest Harry Potter last night.

64 thoughts on “July 23, 2007

  1. “1. Questions demanding major spoilers. Who is Teyla’s father? Will John and Teyla get together?”

    Firstly, typo lol!

    Secondly…”Questions demanding major spoilers”, followed by “will John and Teyla get together”?


  2. Heee. Your latest letter to Ali made me laugh so mission accomplished! Thanks! 😀

  3. I wonder how many people will still ask you questions falling into those catagories. I’m willing to bet…hmm…60%? Yes, let’s say that.

    And on that note, let me ask a question which could be in one of those catagories (it’s a technical one): Why is Atlantis’s shield only “half-a-shield” when it’s supposed to be air tight? Wouldn’t the air just leak out of the bottom of the dome when they’re in space?

    I never really understood that. Since you guys approved the CGI, I’m guessing you guys have a reason for it though. Thanks for your time!

  4. I know you have been asked this before, but we are a little further down the production line, so I’ll throw it out there again:

    Will Daniel Jackson make an appearance on SGA in season four? Midway, perhaps??

  5. Since you didn’t say anything about Shep/Weir demanding major spoilers, can you tell us when they get together?

    Because putting Shep and Teyla together will put the final nail in the coffin of what was once a great show.

  6. *waves*

    Hiya Joe, I’m intrigued. So, does shirtless Shep fall into catagories 1, 6 or 7?

    On second thoughts, I know the answer to that. His chest (along with his hair) is in a catagory all of his own. 😛


    Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Please pass on as always my best wishes to Ali, and if I may be so bold, Aligators are so early 80’s you want to go with somthing more modern like mutant turtles. 😉

  7. Sorry, missed the blog yesterday— but I’ve noticed you picked up the first in the Temeraire series! (Novik’s work)

    She’s got two more out in the series, and a fourth due soon, if you find you like it after you read it. But may I ask, what made you pick it up? You’ve struck me as more a scifi/scifi-fantasy person than historical fantasy.

  8. Asking again in the hope of you answering:

    Any nice/emotional moments with Shep/Weir at all?

  9. You needed a question 8, Joe:
    Questions too stupid to answer. Example: Arctic Goddess said…

    Hi Joe:

    I thought Mr. Purple shirt looked familiar. Ross Hull. Cool. I’m looking forward to watching that segment on the Weather Channel. Did they give you a time line when it would be on?

    If you were trapped in an abandoned alien space ship with actors from either Stargate or Atlantis, who do you think would be of most help? This is asking about the actors, not the characters they play…
    Personally, I’d pick Chris Judge and Jason Momoa to move any heavy junk, Gary Jones for his humor, Michael Shanks because he seems pretty smart and might be able to help problem solve, and Cliff Simon because he is very athletic and could find ways of getting into and out of tight spots.


  10. I seem to be on a Carter kick these days. Will there be a friendship between Carter and another Atlantis character that might surprise us? A lot has been asked about Carter/McKay and Carter/Sheppard but what about Carter’s relationship with Teyla and especially Ronon? Hopefully my question doesn’t fall in the “major spoilers” category…

  11. I LOVE knowing the rules to “question asking”. It allows me to push the envelope of my ever so restless and creative brain. I can choose my perspective and ask new and unusual and might I add, unique questions. As soon as I formulate a really good one you can’t resist answering, I’ll ask. Promise. Watch for it. It’ll be a good one. Later, Gater!

  12. I so agree with cheeky lil devils comment from July 22: “Finally finished HP 😀 Loved most of it, was disappointed with the very last bit… but overall how can you possibly go wrong with such a noble quest. :P”

    I felt exactly the same way!! It was such a great book but I felt after the ending there should have been a bit more dialogue between the characters. I didn’t think the epilogue was well written. It seemed to have a different writing style..not very J.K., and it seemed very disjointed from the end of the book. Still overall it was fantastic…just wish the last bit hadn’t been the poor part of the book.

    What do you think Joe???

  13. Hi Joe. First off – a huge thanks for the effort you put into this blog. It’s fun to read the behind-the-scenes goings-on, see concept art, sets and props (I’m an illustrator, so those are my favorite posts), and enjoy how you deal with the never-ending parade of questions.

    Most of my questions would probably fall under category 3 (just how DO they build some of those props? where do you even go to learn that kind of stuff?)… so moving on!

    Anyway, since I’ve been enjoying your blog for the past few weeks, just wanted to say Hey and Thanks!

  14. Here’s a question I haven’t seen brought up but I can live if it falls under the “1-6-7” of the “won’t answer” questions…

    Will Hermiod appear in S4 or did he go back to the Asgard Homeworld prior to “Unending”?

  15. Well a friend recently gave me The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert Heinlein so apparently that’s what I will be reading on my way to Comic Con. Have you read it?

  16. I’m carefully trying to avoid all of your reasons for not answering questions…


    One time you wrote that you knew fans like finding out neat things (and on that post, you shared the diagrams for McKays quarters I think). Can you share something “neat” of your choosing with us?


  17. Est-ce que Replicator Carter fait son retour and la second partie d’Atlantis et si oui,sera-t-elle plus puissante qu’avant?

  18. Yeah, the beginning of DH is certainly action-packed, and that first chapter was just really cool. There was actually a great deal of action, drama, and humor in the first part. I loved that “you look tastier” line and that whole scene really.

  19. Hola, I have a few questions today…

    Who is your favorite SGA character? Do you ever get writers block? And, what was your favorite episode to watch?

  20. Oh please tell us if John and Teyla get together in season 4, then I won’t have to bother tuning in at all.

  21. Hi Joe,

    Forgive me if you have answered this before but I have often wondered how you approach writing technical/scientific material for the show. As a professional science geek, I know that it is not accurate but it sounds good. How do you do it? Thanks.

  22. Maryn. wow I looked at your web site. You are an incredibly gifted illustrator. Nice work there!

    Err sorry Joe, but she did mention she was an illustrator so I looked…

  23. I nearly splurged my tea over my keyboard when I read your reply to Ali. Especially about Adam Baldwin getting the trebuchet. Bravo. XD


  24. Dear Joe, It’s been a long time and I want to thank you for clearing why some question were not answered and now I know why. I’ll try my best to ask questions that are not to demanding.
    I guess that’s why I haven’t written or read for awhile. Thank to one of the girls in a thread I post in was kind enough to share your thoughts. So please forgive if I ask a question that was already answered. No questions for now, just thanks.

  25. Do you and Fondy exercise a lot? It seems with all the restaurant eating you two do, you’d probably have to in order not to weigh 1000 pounds!!! Do either of you even like to cook?

  26. Will John and Teyla get together?”

    Season 3 of Battlestar Galactica was ruined with Apollo being paired with secondary character Dee and the ensuing shippy drivel.

    Please don’t ruin SGA with a ship most of the audience don’t want to know about.

  27. This comment is for pg15 and his ridiculous question.

    The sheild isn’t a open dome! If you care to look in the episode “First Strike” as Atlantis is sinking back into the ocean, there is a visual effect where it starts at showing the bottom of Atlantis sinking past the imaginary camera. The sheild folds back into the under belly of Atlantis making it “air tight”.

  28. Hi Joe.

    Just want to say, with or without ship, SGA will remain a great show. A show that I love and will continue to love and enjoy come season 4.

    So no matter what direction you guys decide to go Sheppard/Teyla…Sheppard/Weir… Sheppard/Keller, no relationships, whatever you decide this loyal fan will continue tuning in for the fantastic tv you guys provide.

    Can’t wait for September to finally get here…looking forward to a spectacular season.


  29. Dear Mr. Hazzencockle,

    You needn’t worry about Baldwin getting the trebuchet you wanted, I can build you one. I would give you mine, but it is unfortunately necessary for the defense of my own castle… It only took me about two months to build my first one (I did it Mcgyver style: only had 8 rubberbands, 1 small sheet of wood, 10ft of cord, duct tape ;)…) so I should be able to have yours completed about the same time as your orphanarium is finished being built. All I ask in return is a small labor force to help care for my precious wombats.

    Sincerely hoping to do business with you, Pasetha Saltan DePepa

    :)hee hee

  30. If you want I can answer them lol.
    “1. Will John and Teyla get together?”
    No. Never ever.

  31. To Joe,

    Many thanks for answering my question on the names of the ships in Stargate. I hope that if we do get to see a new ship in seasons 4 and 5 that you do continue to use the ancient Greek styles. I’m an archaeologist and I specialise in ancient Greek mythology so it’s nice to see modern TV referring to such things. Oh, and for the record, I liked Irresponsible. Good luck and best wishes with all your work.

  32. Hi, Joe! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, but I’ve never commented before. I found two reasons to comment today, though.

    First, I have to tell you how much I’m enjoying the letters to your various pen pals. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t read your blog at work because people ask why I’m laughing so hard. I think the Cookie Monster ones are my favorite.

    And second, I am so excited that you’re going to be reading “A Game of Thrones”! A Song of Ice and Fire is one of my favorite Fantasy series, and I happen to be in the middle of a reread of the first book myself, right now.

    I think George R.R. Martin has done a fantastic job of world building, as well as characterization and plot. I recommend the series whenever I can, and I’ve yet to find someone who didn’t love it by the end of the first book. I hope that you’ll enjoy it as much as I do.

  33. Les noms grecs de vaisseaux terriens dans stargate correspondent aussi à des noms de programmes spatiaux américains (passés ou présents). Est-ce fait exprès ou pas ?

    Bonne chance pour votre travail cette année. Cette saison 4 semble déjà très bonne. J’espère que les audiences suivront.

  34. You said in an earlier post that Joe F had a wrist injury and sitting at my computer with a sprained knee makes me wonder how serious does an Actor’s injury have to be before you write it into the script?

  35. Hi Joe! Happy Summer! It is good to know about Ali!

    I have some little questions about the Stargate…

    You imagine for a moment that indeed a Stargate exists…

    1-What would you do?
    2-Would you cross it?
    3-And if indeed you were not taken to other planets but were taken to other unknown places?
    4-What type of food you would take? (Before and after to cross the Stargate)

  36. Salut Joe!

    Elisabeth va apparaitre dans combiens d’épisodes cette saison, et lesquels?
    Il y a t-il une chance pour quelle apparaisse dans une saison 5?

  37. Anonymous said…
    Will John and Teyla get together?”

    Season 3 of Battlestar Galactica was ruined with Apollo being paired with secondary character Dee and the ensuing shippy drivel.

    Please don’t ruin SGA with a ship most of the audience don’t want to know about.

    I agree 100 percent, especially given the fact that it looks like tptb favour the least popular ship of the lot.

  38. You can please some of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time but you can’t please all of the people all of the time so if you just please yourself then at least SOMEONE is happy! that is going to be my moto from now on and I think it should be yours too Joe.
    I’m off on a journey through time and space on Thursday and I’m hoping to be able to tap into a stray broadband connection while I’m away but in case I can’t, take care, and that goes for everyone who checks in.

  39. before I go tho I just wanted to share a chortle with you. My eldest son was reading over my shoulder the other day (a hangable offence at any time but he’s quicker on his feet than me now!) and one of the books I was perusing online was “Animal Rehabilitation” quick as a flash he asked “Is that for ducks on quack?”

  40. Hi Joe,
    Catching up on your past blogs and went to Fondy’s jewelry site. She does great work, but I have a question. Has she ever tried working with Precious Metal Clay? Once tried, you can’t stop.

  41. Hi Joe first time asking a question, I was wondering if we’re going to see the Wraith dishing out punishment instead of just receiving it?


  42. Bonjour Joe,
    Je suis auteur de fanfiction en France (que sur SG1), et je me suis toujours demandée, si vous ou les autres scénaristes, lisiez de temps en temps des fanfictions sur stargate (SG1 ou Atlantis)? Et si c’est le cas, cela vous donnent-ils parfois quelques idées de scripts?
    Voilà gros bisous du sud de la France, où il fait très beau et très chaud!

  43. Hi Joe

    “Ali in the Family” .. That made me laugh outloud.. The white coats are coming soon to take me away.. I’ve got to give up reading your blog or maybe install a cone of silence… but that still won’t deguise this silly grin on my face..

    In respect to the crocs , maybe Ali could rustle up a few .. after all he is from Africa, he should be able to obtain a few toothless ones…

    His Majesty’s Dragon? Have you read that one yet? The title sounds enticing..

    Have a great day


  44. In the season 9 dvd commentaries (several eps including ) you hinted at an off camera relationship between Cameron/Carolyn – really? Why was this dropped or was it never really a serious character development point? or were you just messing with us?

  45. Hey Joe,

    I hope this question is not too personal . I wonder how everything is gonna work out with Rachel the next few weeks of shooting. You said that you switched around the shooting order so that everything fits together in the first half of the season. What about from now on? Will Rachel cut down on her shooting time and maybe skip some episodes or will you wait and see how she feels and then decide?
    Will the season be wrapped when she is due to have the baby?

  46. Hi Joe,
    I recently got a friend caught up on Atlantis and as we were watching the DVDs for seasons 1 & 2, she looked at me and said “yep, I really like the show, but why does Sheppard wear that black wrist band all the time?”

    And as I went to answer, it hit me. I have no idea. So, it’s up to you. Why does Sheppard wear that black wrist band?

  47. Hey Joe,

    I will be visiting Vancouver on family vacation (it will be my parents, my brother & sister-in-law, and myself) in a couple of weeks. My parents, who are incapable of sitting still for more than 10 seconds, have decided that on our 6 day trip we will be checking out Vancouver, Whistler and Victoria (not to mention whale watching on the boat to Victoria). I’m now hearing talk of white water rafting and glacier hiking. Help, I’m a sci-fi geek, not an thrill seeker!

    So, while I try to ditch the family in Vancouver for a few hours, do you have any recommendations of things to see or places to check out that don’t involve strenuous exercise?

    On the plus side, I did get them to make reservations at Feenie’s. I’ll let you know how it goes.


  48. I saw in yesterday’s blog you’d picked up His Majesty’s Dragon by Naomi Novik. Have you started it yet? I just finished it last thursday and I’m a good way into the second – I had to wait until I’d finished the last HP book for the second time. (Average time – 4 hours 24 minutes!)

  49. You know Joe, I’ve noticed that any mention of these 2 characters(Teyla and John) in the same sentence brings out alot of threating anonymous post. If had a nickel for every “if this ship happens I’m going to stop watching” posts, I’m sure, I would have a nice chunk of change. As a matter of fact I think, I’m going to keep a running tally of how many nickels I’ll have by the time the new season begins. No, you know what I’ll do? I’ll put a nickel in a jar labeled “Anonymous Threats Post”, and see just how much change I’ll have, then I’ll use it toward the purchase of my Season 3 DVD set. Yeah that the ticket.

    And Joe, put the stick down and stop poking the angry shippers (although every time they rise to the bait it make giggle).

  50. What’s with the anemic blog and posts the past few days Joe? Continuing to clean-up or just losing interest in the acerbic nonsense of it all?

    I don’t come here to see who cares about HP or some such nonsense I come to see who can be the most idiotic about the Staragte shows and make me guffaw, now I’m just plain bored when I come here.

  51. Hello! I am a fan French and I would like to know if Elisabeth will take back the command of Atlantis???Samantha’s arrival does not disturb me but I like very much Elisabeth and I shall like seeing her taking back her post.
    Please answer me!!

  52. Hello this is my first Post, I have to say that I do not read your blog everyday, though I do usually review a few days at a time, I’m not from Vancouver but there was a Chinese restaurant that was told to be to be very renowned I have not been there in 5 yrs but it was called the Pink Pearl. Is it still around and is it still so Famous?

  53. My that Ali certainly is a persistent one! I guess his other marks aren’t nearly as chatty.

    I was tempted to ask several questions that pertained to each of the “can’t answer” status, then decided that would be too mean (especially since you answered mine yesterday. Thank you!)

    I was able to catch one of the 30 second previews yesterday, and found it VERY interesting that Weir was not only walking, but out on a jumper after being semi-torched at the end of the finale. Hmm… that combined with some leaks on GW has me intrigued. Thanks for the tip.

    GW’s interview with David H. was very enlightening, and someone else’s comment has me wondering something. It took a long time for Teyla and Weir’s friendship to be actually established on screen (and apparently there’s a cut scene on Sam and Vala bonding in Season 10… something I was looking forward to). Will we get to see Sam bond with her new staff?

  54. Anonymous said…
    This comment is for pg15 and his ridiculous question.

    The sheild isn’t a open dome! If you care to look in the episode “First Strike” as Atlantis is sinking back into the ocean, there is a visual effect where it starts at showing the bottom of Atlantis sinking past the imaginary camera. The sheild folds back into the under belly of Atlantis making it “air tight”.

    Uh, no, sorry Mr. Anonymousivity. If you’re talking about this shot, then that flat plane connecting the shield to the piers is actually the surface of the water being pushed down by the air pressure within the dome.

    If you look at this shot and this shot you can see that there is nothing protecting the bottom of city ships.

  55. Hello ! I was wondered something : does McKay have a real problem with food ? (because he says he has a very active metabolism, but all things considered…he’s still eating all the time !)

  56. Hi Joe! Just popping in to say hello and to reassure you that I am feeling much more cheerful today (so no pitiful begging, you’ll be pleased to hear!). I’ve finally had one thing go right this week and have managed to find my missing passport which means I *can* go to Amsterdam on Friday! Yippeeeeee!

    Soooooo… to celebrate my recently-rediscovered happiness I shall ask you a really difficult question: If you could only have one dessert for the rest of your life, what you it be?

  57. In the season 9 dvd commentaries (several eps including ) you hinted at an off camera relationship between Cameron/Carolyn – really?

    OMG, poor Cam. I wouldn’t wish Dr. Lam on ANYONE! Thank you Joe and writers for dumping this idea. It was truly hurl-worthy.

  58. Joe,

    So, tell me, why is Goblet of Fire your favorite HP book?

    And, given the incredible hype and anticipation over the last book in the series, do you think HP and the Deathly Hallows lived up to the hype? On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being “not at all satisfying”, 5 being “satisfied in general” and 10 being “wow – I’m sad it’s over but what a great end to the journey”, how would you rate Deathly Hallows and why?

    Hopefully you can answer without being too “spoilerish” since I know there are some folks out there who didn’t read it in a day like we did. I honestly did try to drag it out, but dang I couldn’t put the darn book down!


  59. Est-ce qu’Elizabeth apparait uniquement dans trois épisodes où alors plus que 3

  60. I was thinking about the gaps in between filming and when the season airs since its unlike shows that air on CBS or NBC. When do you think you guys will wrap up shooting season 4…..and WHEN you get green lighted for a season 5, how long of a break do you everyone get before you go back to writing? When would the actors report back to the set?

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