Yesterday, I received a follow-up email from James Williams himself: “How are you? Can i know what is goin on that you have not respond back to my mail your urgent replay is needed to my mail with out any kind of delay okay.”
I sent off my response:
“James Williams not respond to Cookie Monster first! You remember deal? James Williams pay $480 and he get date with Miss Piggy? She like meaty boys and James Williams built like giant ham hock with legs. Is perfect for Miss Piggy. But maybe Miss Piggy not perfect for James Williams. Maybe James Williams no like shakin’ bacon?
Is okay because Cookie Monster get $480 from old friend Kermit. He t.v. star. Had own show for long time is Muppet Show. When Kermit first start, said to everyone on Sesame Street: “Hey, me make show. Who want to be in?” Everybody say no tanks. So Kermit have brilliant idea. What make audience laugh hardest? Dat right. Drug addik and crazy people. So Kermit visit all skeevy alleys around Sesame Street and “cast” F-up muppets: Animal (heroin), Swedish chef (preskription drug), Gonzo (delusional), Crazy Harry (psykotik), cranky old men (Alzeyemer), Beaker (crystal meth). Yes, dey F-up – but still hilarious! Muppet Show become big hit. Cookie Monster no can believe. Big drunk Fozzie Bear once share garbage can with Oscar now have mansion in Malibu! Kermit own Bentley even though little green legs no can reach pedals!
Anyhoo, Cookie Monster send money soon.”
But hours later, I received a not-so-official-looking email from The Federal Bureau of Investigation (sic). It informed me that the FBI’s “intelligency network” had “screemed through monitoring” and assures me that “the transaction you have with Federal High Court of Nigeria, is noting but legal”, advising me to go ahead and deal with Barrister James Williams. In closing: “And we will want you to netified him very well because of the scamer peopel in there country so we are direction you now to contacte him only truht his cantact…” Hmmm. The email made a lot of sense. Well, the parts that made sense anyway. Could I have been wrong about James Williams? Cookie Monster wrote him back:
“Cookie Monster have $480 and about to send to James Williams. But den receive email from FBI – Federal Bureau of Investigation. Not Investigation with “S” but Investigation. Only one investigation? Maybe not so busy? FBI email say okay to trust James Williams, but it have more spelling mistake den Snuffleupagus letter to parole board.
Me not stupid monster. Me tink James Williams very suspicious. Very handsome, but very suspicious. Maybe James Williams shakin’ Cookie Monster bacon! Is true?”
Cookie Monster anxiously awaits his response.
Q&A –
Susan the Turtle writes: “ I take it a Doggy Spa is just a posh doggy grooming place. Or is Fondy going into hydro therapies, massages, little matching outfits etc?”
Answer: So far, all of the above.
PG15 writes: “1). What’s the difference between a Beat Sheet and an Outline? 2). Have you read the recent comments made my David Howe? 3) Are you going to continue the Production Diary on Gateworld and Stargate Solutions? 4. (You may avoid this one) Why did you decide to delete some comments a few days ago when you have allowed certain arguments to slip through before that?”
Answers: 1) A beat sheet is simply a beat by beat breakdown of the episode. An outline is more detailed and includes scene headings. 2) Yup. 3) Maybe in time. 4) To be perfectly honest, I just got annoyed with having to wade through the war of words to get to the legitimate questions.
Zabadoo writes: “I am a high school student going into my senior year, and have known now for about four years after making several shorts that I want to be either a filmmaker or a television writer/producer.”
Answer: May I suggest you become a producer. That way, if I time things perfectly, you can hire me once Stargate finally wraps.
Shawna writes: “Assuming we get a season five, any chance of a Chuck-centric episode?”
Answer: Nope.
PAT writes: “Do you ever go to a Keg and just have a fat steak.”
Answer: Sometimes. Fondy is a big fan of their prime rib.
LogicSequence writes: “Just saw the Atlantis promo during Eureka, not quite extra long though, unless i missed other parts of it.”
Answer: From what I understand, that was the first of several 30 second clips they’ll be running from now until the season premiere.
Michelle writes: “What’s to love about a rib-eye, Joe? I would have thought you’d be a filet or new york man.”
Answer: No way. The rib-eye is best marbled cut and, in my opinion, the tastiest.
Anonymous #1 writes: “I know you mentioned that Teyla would probably not make it to Earth this season. But is there a possibility that she may appear in the Earth story pitched in by Mr. Flannigan?”
Answer: Teyla will not be traveling to the Earth this season.
Mary writes: “Personally, my favourite thing to do when I visit a new place is trawl around the biggest/oldest bookshop for an afternoon. Where in Vancouver would you recommend?”
Answer: Hmm. That’s tough. Besides a couple of Chapters, there’s not much in the way of bookshops. There are some good second-hand bookstores (Pulp Fiction) and a very cool children’s bookshop on West 4th that is planning a HUUUGE Harry Potter bash.
Jim from Jersey writes: “I’ve heard cast and crew rave about the high quality and overall “yummyness” of the Stargate catering and craft services. Can you give some examples of the better than ordinary fare?”
Answer: Today’s lunch was turkey cutlet with artichoke heart couscous, beet salad, red cabbage, and white chocolate and mandarin crepes for dessert.
Ccs926 writes: “Could you be a little more specific about the “dark turn”? Does Teyla have a hidden mean streak we have yet to see? Or should we take the term dark to mean tragic?”
Answer: How about both?
Joe,
Have you or any of the other writers ever considered doing a fantasy/dream episode where you can do extreme and out of character stuff and write it all off as a dream? Would love to see an episode where Rodney dreams about his superhero alter ego.
Jason
Joe, I have to tell you, I LOVE your responses to those emails!! They are brilliant!
And the newest member of your family is adorable! Even my boyfriend was taken by her.
Heehee…cookie monster funny.
Would you guys ever consider doing what Star Trek used to do back in the day: let fans submit scripts for consideration?
Hi Joe:
I was sure that I wanted to be Joe Mallozzi when I grew up, but I hear that position is filled. So I’ll tough it out in my job as a Therapist/Counsellor.
The legitimate question is, do you consult professionals for advice when you write about medical or psychological issues?
Patricia
Why does John Sheppard wear that black wristband all the time, especially considering it should be getting a little funky by now? Also, can you give any hints about the Flanigan-pitched story?
Didn’t get the posters identity sorry: “Will there be any tension between Carter and the team when she takes Weir’s place, or will they all just sort of accept it?”
Might I suggest, especially since you and Paul are in charge and do not have to be burdened by dumbed-down, cliched ideas of others, you have a little tension that actually makes sense within the context of the larger show and its history, because the “everybody is best friends and there is no tension even if a guy who never saw the gate before comes rolling in” obviously didn’t go over too well when it was tried previously (at least Carter has some off-world and gate experience which is more than I can say for the “other” guy they tried this with).
Story lines devoid of logic and believable context generally do not work so hopefully SGA learned some lessons and brings some logic to their situation because we have seen illogical, farcical, cliches don’t work.
Oh and hopefully you put some time and real thought into it because something thought up in 10 minutes, with an “oh by the way” that clearly took all of 15 seconds to think up, clearly shows the lack of forethought and doesn’t work either a la that “other” guy.
LogicSequence writes: “Just saw the Atlantis promo during Eureka, not quite extra long though, unless i missed other parts of it.”
Answer: From what I understand, that was the first of several 30 second clips they’ll be running from now until the season premiere.
Ah! Well that makes more sense now doesn’t it? Out of curiosity, do you have any input on what content is in the promos? This past one for instance, contains some pretty significant spoilers if you put 2 and 2 together. Do you approve such things, or does SCIFI go with what it want’s to go with?
The Gigg is up!! We know that there is no wraith birthing scene(you lose)
.lol
Hey Joe–
Will we be seeing Gary Jones in more than one episode of Atlantis this season? What about the SG-1 movies?
Hi Joe catching up on your Blog. I have just returned from a trip to London sightseeing. Visited Fortnum & Mason a very posh shop. Went on a pilgrimage to its chocolate department. It was like some thing out of Dickens all the assistants where men and all wore morning suites and called me ‘Madam’! I couldn’t resist getting some chocolate, so look out for a strange package being delivered to Bridge Studios for you!!
I do have a question as well, as I was devoid of my usual fix of SG my brain was left to its own devises and having watched CSI (something or other) I was wondering if you have ever thought of having an episode were there is a murder in Atlantis a sort of Colonel Caldwell in the Gate Room with the Zat gun type thing?
Pauline
Will Carter be displacing Sheppard as the ranking military officer of Atlantis, since she is a full bird colonel? Or is there another promotion in Sheppard’s near future?
Speaking of “Wraith birth” … I was just re-watching Instinct this morning and was reminded of the fact that Jewel Stait’s character ate like a normal human until she reached puberty. Will we learn more, similar tidbits about the evolution of the Wraith during Season 4? Is it possible there might be Wraith with a conscience (kind of like Tok’ra) in Pegasus? It would be an interesting concept (but then again, on whom would they feed?).
… and a very cool children’s bookshop on West 4th that is planning a HUUUGE Harry Potter bash.
You’re talking about the one being held by Kids Books at the VanDusen Gardens, right? Will you be going?
Hi, I must tell you that your Cookie Monster letters are the best so far. I almost died when I read the part about the Muppets all of crack. I showed it to my mom and she laughed so hard that she couldn’t breath and she started crying! Eagerly waiting for more.
Joe, there’s no need to clear this for general consumption or respond. I just have to ask if all is well? It feels that your normal tone when answering questions lacks a little of its lively step. Maybe just the “return from hiatus” blues, or just tired with the use of your blog for arguments? I beg your pardon if I am reading something into it that is not there.
Anyhoo, to quote your alter ego, thanks for the mirth and mayhem with the scammers. I’m all excited about season 4 and good things to come.
Dajaje said…
Will Carter be displacing Sheppard as the ranking military officer of Atlantis, since she is a full bird colonel? Or is there another promotion in Sheppard’s near future?
Carter will replace Weir as base commander, Sheppard as military commander, McKay as chief science officer and Ronon as best all around fighter. She will send Teyla back to her people.
Carter will then define the problem, solve the problem, and go off world to fix the problem and then come back and work in her lab.
I hope that make you happy.
JOE!!! I’m so excited! I (might) get to meet cookie mons—err, you!! ^.^
It has you listed as a guest on the Anime Evolution site. When I saw you on there I squeaked (in surprise). Outloud. Thankfully, it was 3 in the morning–therefore no witnesses.
But, yay! I will bring you chocolate! (Do you like Ferrer Roche? Have you tried a ZERO bar?)
Hey… I’ve gotten spammed–I mean, I’ve received an e-mail from a Barrister John Williams. S’pose there’s any relation??
Also, someone might’ve asked this and you might’ve answered, but I recently watched The Storm and The Eye and wondered, “What happened to Sora?” Do we ever find out?
Ah, and also, curious: What’s your five favorite chocolates/sweets?
Hate to say this, but it is the Federal Bureau of Investigation, not the Federal Bureau of Investigations.
http://www.fbi.gov/
Seriously Joe, in my fortress of solitude out here in white rock these internet scam posts make my day. I am however shocked that while Sesame Street has been translated and marketed to hundreds of countries around the world Nigeria somehow got lost in the mix. Maybe this guys parents were just too selfish and decided to raise him themselves rather then leave it to their nurturing TV.
…not so anonymous
Any chance to see another promo of Atlantis season 4 ?
To Mr Mallozzi,
I’m an Australian and a huge fan of Stargate. Australia has finally gotten access to Sci-Fi and my whole family is excited at the prospect of seeing season 4 at the same time as those in North America. Concerning the ratings of SG:A, will our viewing of SG:A all the way over here affect the overall ratings or are we too far away to affect the ratings? Because there are a lot of us over here who desperately want season 5 as much as you guys
Joe, us poor Aussies have been screwed over again, this time they cut off SG1 season ten two episodes in after 2 weeks before just cutting off Atlantis 16 episodes into Season 3. It’s a disappointment to say the least. Have a word to someone in charge please? 😛
Answer: From what I understand, that was the first of several 30 second clips they’ll be running from now until the season premiere
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!
Look at that – you cheered me up again without even being asked! 🙂 Thanks Joe! 🙂
Salut, Salut Joseph!!
=}Oups je n est pas compris se que vous disiez quand vous parliez de Kermit…
=}Héhéh plus qu un jour avant la sortie d Harry Potter 7!
=}Outch, je vient d aprendre que la chaine national qui diffuse Stargate a décidé de sortir les dvd qu une foix que les nouvelle saisons seront diffuser sur leur chaine,donc on risque de méme pas avoir les dvd cette année,snif!
=}Ma question:
Ont verra encors des enfant wraith dans cette saison 4?
=}Ah..oui..pour mieux me connaitre^^!
Prénom: Anais
Age:16 ans edemi
Domicile:France(gironde)
Quelque chose que jaime:
– Stargate
-Les poules (éh oui XD)
-Lance Armstrong( c est mon hero)
-Mon pays et les Etats uni
-Le sport a la télé
-Mon ordinateur
Je n aime pas:
-Les gens méchant
-La violence
-Me justifier
-Le thé,café et l anis.
….
LOl bon ba voila! vous me connaissez un peu mieux XD!!
Bonne journée, bisou, je vous adore, a demain!!
Bonjour!
Pourquoi ne pas introduire un cuisinier français sur Atlantis?!
Cela pourrait être sympa de voir Sheppard et Teyla manger une “tartiflette” ou un “gratin dauphinois”!! Vous connaissez?
Moreover I can give you a delicious recipe, but can you tell me more spicy details about the relationship Teyla/Sheppard in season 4, please?
Hello Joe
You’re bringing the art of scamming the scrammers to the pinnacle of greatness.. And your take on the Muppets is so unique but it has an underlining feeling of veracity.. You have an interesting take on life.. Did you inherit this from your Dad or this your own perculiar personality trait.. ? Looking forward to the return of Atlantis, but I hope you’re only joshing about the wraith birthing scene.. I don’t think that’s something I’d like to see..
Have a great day..
Dori
Hi Joe:
I was just wondering if Lorne and Zelenka would have any good character building scenes in the upcoming season? They are both such great actors and I love when they make an appearance on the show.
Have a great day!
Sabina 🙂
HI Joe
Any chance of seeing some new Wraith tech in S4. Things like upgrades on ships or maybe even new ships.
Keep on emailing those scammers! 🙂
Question: Did the Air Force stop working with Stargate? If so, after which season?
hey joe!
Any chance we’re gonna see Joe Flanigan topless this season?! Hey, i’m a woman, i’m supposed to perv!! Hahaha!
From Kady xx
Joe here’s a multiple choice question for yo
1.Jack will be in “Continuum” for
a. less than 15 mins
b. 15-40 mins
c. more than 40 mins
Jack will be only in AU?
What was the reasoning behind the delayed release of the Arc of Truth DVD’s, or has MGM, Fox not told you guys? Thanks.
v/r
AJGater
Oh cr*p! We just got a new bird and named him Beeker after the Muppets character. Did I spell it wrong???
Great responses though!
Is Ronon going to be a significant part of Teyla’s story arc, or at least there to support her through it?
Joe, since you have already seen “Continuum”, and have snuck over to the set and taken some Daniel and Sam pictures (thanks again for doing that BTW), could you tell us if Daniel will get to interact very much with Sam and Mitchell? I really miss the ‘science twins’ and we hardly ever get Daniel and Mitchell together. I know it’s ‘Brad’s baby’; so, if you can’t answer I’ll understand.
Bonjour bonjour ^^
Je voulais savoir, comment envisagez-vous de faire évoluer les relations entre John et Teyla ?
The Special Effects are so cool in Stargate Atlantis. Especially the battle scenes in space. Will there be any battle scenes in Season 4? The guys that do the Special Effects are so awesome.
Hi Joe,
Will Dr. Keller appear in the episode Quarantine?
When SGA ends (many years from now, I hope), will there be movies for Atlantis fans to look forward to?
Answer: Today’s lunch was turkey cutlet with artichoke heart couscous, beet salad, red cabbage, and white chocolate and mandarin crepes for dessert.
Oh my god Joe, do you need an extra script supervisor? A PA to hold your James Bond villain doomsday device as you make your rounds? Perhaps someone to arbitrarily push a button in the background of shots? I just finished with lunch but that made me hungry again!
Tomorrow morning I begin my 36-hour stretch of work due to the Harry Potter book release.
Wish me luck, and send me coffee.
Hi Joe,
don’t you find it amusing that the anti-season 10 morons are trying to convince themselves that it was sooooo bad, not worth watching at all, that their pathetic ideas are much better than yours (plural, they mean all the writers) and at the same time season 10 DVDs are doing extremely well in Amazon.com pre-orderings proving that the average fan of the series has completely different opinion about it to theirs?
Hey Joe,
Couple of really random questions but 1. Will Carson Beckett’s apparant resurrection be a total surprise in the episode he shows up in or will there have been little hints through the rest of the season.
2. Where’s the best place to walk a dog in Vancouver? I only ask because I’m getting a free holiday with some relatives as long as I dog sit for a couple of weeks and any good doggy excersise tips would be greatly appreciated
Do you ever feel as if there’s something not quite right? That there’s a familiar calm before the storm feeling settling around the fandom. Everything seems out of sync as if the planets are aligning and are about to cause untold chaos around the cosmos. Everywhere I go today, eeriness follows. Well, you know what? It’s scaring the crap out of me!
Or it could be a sign of caffeine withdrawl as i’ve only had one cup today! Tell me you feel it to, Joe?!
Hi,
SG-1’s race race often been refered to as the fifth race. Are all humans from all planets considered as fifth race or is it Earth humans only?
Thanks =)
short and sweet today.
mole de poblano? like or loath?
J.
Mr. Mallozzi,
I just saw the interviews from June 28th – thank you for your gracious responses to all of the questions, especially given the amount of complaining I’ve seen on your blog.
I thought I’d see if you knew the answer to a question I’ve had since “Sateda” aired. What happened to the young girl Ronon was holding as he watched his girlfriend die?
Thanks for your time and I hope you and your canine pals are well!
~ Kellie
Farscapefan said…
Don’t you find it amusing that the anti-season 10 morons are trying to convince themselves that it was sooooo bad, not worth watching at all, that their pathetic ideas are much better than yours (plural, they mean all the writers) and at the same time season 10 DVDs are doing extremely well in Amazon.com pre-orderings proving that the average fan of the series has completely different opinion about it to theirs?
Honestly, Kalliope. Can you give it a rest?
People who were against S10 are all morons???? LOL. Just because something is doing extremely well, it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily of good quality. All the Reality Shows do quite well and I still think they’re rubbish.
Opinions are just different; one is not ‘better’ than another.
Farscapefan said…
don’t you find it amusing that the anti-season 10 morons are trying to convince themselves that it was sooooo bad, …
I just have a question – why do you all feel the need for name calling anyone? Yes moron would be considered name calling. I followed SG1 from day one and I lost complete interest in Season 9 & 10 … I didn’t ship sam/jack like a maniac, liked all characters, alright Jack was/is my fav. I will not buy SG1 8 & 19 until they come out in the $15 bin. Does that make me a less than average fan? umm no.
Oh also Hello Mr. M. I am feeling snubbed these days w/o any of my questions answered in the last couple of days — I know it was deliberate 😉
farscapefan said:
Hi Joe, don’t you find it amusing that the anti-season 10 morons are trying to convince themselves that it was sooooo bad, not worth watching at all, that their pathetic ideas are much better than yours (plural, they mean all the writers) and at the same time season 10 DVDs are doing extremely well in Amazon.com pre-orderings proving that the average fan of the series has completely different opinion about it to theirs?
I find your post insulting to your fellow fans. You’ve made it clear in the past that you only like seasons 9 and 10, that you thought seasons 1 to 8 were crap. Would you like people call you moron because of what you like and what you dislike? I don’t think so.
I’m an Atlantis only fan, so I have no opinion about any season of SG-1. But opinions about whether an episode or a season of any TV show is good or bad is subjective. For every person you find that likes something, you’ll always find another one who dislikes that very same thing. And nobody’s right or wrong. You and others like season 10 (it wouldn’t be selling so well otherwise). Well, others do NOT like it, and their opinion is as valid as yours. They are entitled to their opinion in the same way you’re entitled to yours. And, regarding your argument about DVD sellings itself, the numbers only show how many people chose to buy it. You don’t know how many potential buyers chose not to buy it because they thought it was bad. It could be bought by let’s say 1 million people, and you could have 2 million people who chose not to buy it because they thought it wasn’t good. As I said, your argument doesn’t even prove that there’re more people who like it than people who dislike it. And even if it did prove it, that doesn’t give you the right to be disrespectful and dismiss fans who like previous seasons and dislike s10.
Your cookie monster shenanigans bring the lulz.
Ps. Have you seen the White Whale recently? I-I’ve been searching everywhere but… He’s pretty slippery. I know they say “it’ll be in the last place you look” but the Atlantic Ocean’s a pretty big place, you know? Any help would be appreciated.
Yours saltily,
Captain Ahab
hi, joe,
i was reading a ben browder interiew (‘gate expectations’), and a side bit had a piece on sam carter coming over to atlantis. here’s a quote from you:
(‘familiar face’) […] “in general, sam is a familiar face to sg-1 viewers and someone they’ll respond to. so those who haven’t watched atlantis will, perhaps, tune in to check her out. because the character is new to atlantis, it’ll be fun to follow her journey as a member of sg-1 who is suddenly the commander of an off-world base.”
the last sentence makes me VERY excited! i know sam will be more a supporting player on atlantis, but i’d still love to see *sam’s* side of things too. your last sentence gave me some hope that at least some character growth will occur for sam. well, her being the commander ‘is’ character growth, but i’d love to see it from sam’s point of view and not just there she is.
sally 🙂
Was “Vengeance” a particularly difficult episode to do, considering it was in the dark most of the time?
don’t you find it amusing that the anti-season 10 morons are trying to convince themselves that it was sooooo bad, not worth watching at all, that their pathetic ideas are much better than yours (plural, they mean all the writers) and at the same time season 10 DVDs are doing extremely well in Amazon.com pre-orderings proving that the average fan of the series has completely different opinion about it to theirs?
Yep, and American Idol is one of the most watched programs in America. Chew on that for a while, sourpuss.