Every few yearz, movie come along dat defy expectashuns, taking tired old formula and completely reinventing into someting fresh, ekciting and unekspected. Monster really wish me had seen dat movie. But instead, Monster watch Boy Killz World, movie dat feel like it written by A.I. script robot trained by 14 year old boyz raised on video games and repeated viewings of Kick-Ass 2.
In alternate world dere exist a society unlike any you ever seen before – unless you read or watched Hangry Games, Maize Runner, De Selekshun series, De Giver, De Ugleez, De Matched trilogy, or all of deir ripoffs…like dis movie. Rulerz be people who dress up like villains from old Dick Tracey comic strip, give speeches, and kill deir enemiez. As such, hero boy escape after family shot by older looking Jean Grey.
He den spend 18 yearz training wit mystery Shaman. It remind monster of time me train for MMMA (Mixed Monster Martial Arts), learn Krav Maga, Tie Chi and both Muay and Pad Thai. Master classik moves like “nad slap”, “nut grabber”, and always popular “skrotum swing”. Anyway, along de way, hero boy lose ability to speak so audience have to rely on irritating inner monolog narrashun by cartoon voice aktor who ramble on like Grover dat time he accidentally try limited edition Merry Meth Snapple.
Rest of movie be boyz kwest for revenge against family dat kill his family. Lots of over-de-top violenz wit lots of annoying qwippy voice-over make Monster tink writers REAAAAAALLLY wanted to work on next Deadpool movie, but had to settle for dis one instead. As matter of fakt, star of movie, Bill Skarsgaard remind Monster a bit of Ryan Reynolds becuz once me see Ryan eating Icelandic yogurt at Planet Fitness wit brand name very similar to Skarsgaard. And dats about it.
Anyhoo, heads crushed, hands cut off, feet chopped. Meanwhile, humor about as funny as time Bert try stand-up comedy (“What de deal with parasols? Dey just fancy umbrellas!”).
Late in movie, dere be big twist likes of which not seen since Misterio revealed to be aktual villain not just helpful guy in Spiderman Fa Fa Home. Movie also inklude tired social commentary on entertainment industry dat done much better 37 years ago in Running Man.
Verdict: Boy Kills World killz Monster’s brain cells. 2.5 out of 5 chocolate chipped cookies.
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Erm Joe, title and film actually reviewed don”t match!!
Never mind joe, computer me up at this end, there are 2 cookie monster film reviews! !!!
Woohoo! Cookie’s bringing the heat once again. I will definitely cross this one off my to-watch list. I mean, I would if I had such a list.
Cookie, your AI reference made me wonder if you took all the awful movies ever made (which I suppose includes most of them) and fed the scripts into a large language model AI script generator, would it generate a script so awful that only a major studio would make it with an obscenely high budget?
I just used ChatGPT with the prompt, “What movie idea would make the worst possible movie?”
Results:
“”The Banality of Existence” follows the monotonous daily life of Bob, a middle-aged office worker who commutes two hours each way to his uninspiring job at a paperclip manufacturing company. Bob lives alone in a drab apartment, where he spends his evenings watching paint dry and occasionally talking to his pet goldfish, Gerald.
The film painstakingly depicts every excruciatingly mundane detail of Bob’s existence: from his morning routine of brushing his teeth to his daily lunch of a turkey sandwich with exactly three slices of turkey. The camera lingers on Bob’s blank facial expressions as he stares at spreadsheets for hours on end, interrupted only by the occasional coffee break where he chats with his equally uninteresting coworkers about the weather.
There are no plot twists, no character development, and no meaningful dialogue. The film’s soundtrack consists solely of ambient office noises and the occasional hum of Bob’s refrigerator. The cinematography is deliberately flat and unremarkable, mirroring the banality of Bob’s life.
As the movie progresses, Bob’s routine remains unchanged. There are no challenges for him to overcome, no relationships to build or destroy, and no aspirations for him to pursue. The audience is forced to confront the emptiness of Bob’s existence as they watch him navigate through the utterly mundane and utterly pointless moments of his life.
Key Selling Points:
No Conflict: There is no conflict, drama, or tension whatsoever in the film. Bob’s life is presented without any narrative arc or climax.
Minimal Dialogue: The film relies on long stretches of silence and minimal dialogue, emphasizing the monotony of Bob’s daily routine.
Real-Time Sequences: Several scenes unfold in real time, such as Bob waiting in line at the DMV or sitting in traffic during his commute.
Experimental Cinematography: The film experiments with unconventional camera angles and long takes to emphasize the mundane nature of Bob’s life.
Ambiguous Ending: The film ends abruptly with no resolution or closure, leaving the audience with a lingering sense of existential dread.
Cast and Crew:
Cast: Unknown actors chosen for their ability to convey absolute mundanity.
Director: An avant-garde filmmaker known for experimental and boundary-pushing cinema.”
I think I’ve seen that one!
That’s an Oscar-nom in waiting.
My hero. Such a brave little monster you are. Enduring the torture of sitting through such poor excuse for a movie so we won’t have to. Awwww. Poor CM. You must be absolutely famished now with so few cookies on your plate to enjoy. Send me address of trash can nearest you and I’ll have Uber eats bring ya some of the pepridge farm chocolate and macadamia cookies my neighbor gifted me. Just be sure Oscar don’t get to ’em first. You know he can smell anything edible up to several thousand miles away.
Brutal! 😂 Cookie tells it like it is… This movie wasn’t on my “watch list” either. Is this one of the “Coming Soon” disasters that a certain writer has been posting about?
Happy Sharky Sunday!
Soo it’s recommended for a ‘brains to shelf’ sunday evening movie time 😏 V Chocolate Chip Cookies & Ginger Tea while streaming this ^^