The day after my birthday and I’m suffering from a bit of a food hangover. Nevertheless, I pushed through and actually got a little work done today – restructuring the pilot, tweaking the first act, and beating out the pitch for that time travel series we’ll be taking out next week.
So, did anyone check out Schneider vs. Bax, last week’s Crime Club pick? If you didn’t and were planning on catching up…you might want to sit this one out.
A hitman (Schneider) is hired to kill a man (Bax) living alone in a remote home in the wilderness. But, in an early twist, we learn that the target has actually been hired to off the hitman who will come gunning for him. It’s a great premise that ultimately falls flat and the blame lands on some horrendous plotting. Every twist and turn is predicated on a massive contrivance or ridiculous character motivation. Let me count the ways…
Bax conveniently forgets this is the day a hitman will be dispatched to kill him and just happens to invite his estranged daughter to visit that afternoon.
The guy who hires Schneider (and tips off Bax) at some point trips and falls and knocks himself out, giving events time to unfold and spiral out of control.
A prostitute happens to find refuge from her violent pimp in the warehouse Schneider uses as a safe house, forcing the hitman to act and, for some reason, take her hostage.
Bax’s father (and his young girlfriend) also happen to choose this particular day to visit him.
The guy who hires Schneider accidentally sends a text to Schneider’s phone intended for Bax, thus idiotically tipping Schneider off to what’s really going on.
For some reason, Bax’s daughter wanders off into the surrounding woods where her grandfather happens to find her and attempts to assault her before she knifes him to death.
Oh, did I mention this movie is supposed to be a comedy? Well, it’s described as a black comedy but it was devoid of humor – unless, of course, you find idiotic behavior hilarious.
There were so many times while watching this movie that I wondered “Why is this character doing this?” or “Why didn’t he/she do that?”. Alas, it became readily apparent that the reason “Why?” was because the writer needed them to. Without these massive coincidences and suspect behavior, he wouldn’t have had a movie.
Let’s see if we can do better next week when the Crime Club reconvenes to discuss Blue Ruin…