Joseph Mallozzi's Weblog

April 28, 2014: A Trip Down Memory (Lois) Lane! Comicdom’s Most Dated – the awesome, the atrocious, and the quaintly antiquated!

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Lois_Lane-028-09a

“They sure don’t make ’em like they used to” goes the old adage, and nowhere is this more evident than in the ever-evolving world of comic books.  From Superman battling nazis to Spiderman meeting President Obama, comics have a rich tradition of embracing history and reflecting social and cultural norms.  What was perfectly acceptable ten, maybe twenty years ago is now often viewed with an even mix of horror and amusement.  “What were they thinking?”we ask.  But before we get all smug and self-important, let’s remember that ten, twenty years ago, readers were saying the same thing.  And ten, twenty years from now, they’ll probably look back on us and marvel over OUR ridiculous conceits and misguided earnestness.   So adorably/annoyingly politically correct.  It’s a wonder they ever got anything done!

With that in mind, allow me to present Comicdom’s Most Dated Covers: A Trip Down Lois Memory Lane.  We’ve come a long way, baby!

1Note to Lex Luthor: If you can’t get your hands on kryptonite, have Lois bake up a batch of her home made muffins.

1Lois teams up with the villainous…Pat Boone?!  Some 40 years later, Pat shows up at the American Music Awards in leather and sporting a dog collar.  Prescient?

2

18lqrzilka2lvjpgThis guy carries around jumbo jets without breaking a sweat.  How much weight DID she gain?!

21-1

Super catfight!

1First Pat Boone, now Perry Como.  Throw in Paul Anka and you’ve got the Triumvirate of Evil, 1960’s version.

1

“I’m ashamed of my physical deformity so I’ll just wear this lead-lined safe on my head so that people don’t stare.”

1I’m going to guess: actual biological father.

1Easy there, Aquaman.  Keep yer underoos on.  Until it’s your turn.

1Seems a tad overly-elaborate – but I’m sure it all makes perfect sense in the book.

1

In this case, the actual story couldn’t possibly do justice to the kinky version we’re all imagining in our heads.

titanman

Sorry, Lois.  You made your deathbed.  Now lie in it.

Lois_Lane_101

Wow.  She is REALLY desperate to get married.

1Following in the proud tradition of Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man.

loislane110Hey, do you mind if I borrow your child for this undercover investigation I’m doing?

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21 responses

  1. baterista9 Avatar
    baterista9

    I’ve said it before: I was a precocious and voracious reader, and my brother’s comic books were available.

    Seeing these covers, I realize that Lois Lane helped form my disdain for “Suzy Homemaker”. Well, guess what? I regret that attitude, some 45 years later.

    Joe, do you have the year dates of these covers? I don’t recognize the 10¢ issues, but some of the later ones ring a bell.

    On a slight tangent, we finally had the kitchen designer (Nolamom’s spouse, Skip, BTW) in for a consult. It’s due and past due.

    One of Skip’s selling points is that the new design will likely make the space more efficient and enjoyable. Will that make me more likely to actually cook and clean? We’ll see. 😏

    Reply
  2. gforce Avatar
    gforce

    Um, wow. Well, it’s clear that Lois didn’t get fat from eating her heavy element krypto-muffins. But it does beg the question, is it possible to get a Lois Lane so fat, that even Superman couldn’t lift her? Also, who knew that Lois was bi(racially) curious? She does seem pretty desperate to get married, but I don’t get Supe’s attitude at her wedding to Titanman – if he had actually ASKED her, maybe it would be different. Being an ass as usual, I guess.

    Anyway, here I am back home from my NH weekend with what appears to be a cold/flu. Had a wicked sore throat for the drive home yesterday and again today, and now I just feel crappy and fatigued. Blech.

    Reply
  3. JeffW Avatar
    JeffW

    I was reading through those and thinking “The only thing missing in the whole ‘desperate Lois’ meme is a ‘Baby Momma’ storyline.” And then I hit the last comic.

    Bingo!

    Reply
  4. Sparrow_hawk Avatar
    Sparrow_hawk

    I used to watch Perry Como when I was a kid. You made a little typo there Joe: it’s Como like the lake not Cuomo like the governor of New York.

    Those are really pretty appalling. Wherever did you find them?

    @Tam Dixon: Why so sad?

    Reply
  5. sylvia Avatar
    sylvia

    And people did not believe comic books were only 10 cents. That was back in the 1950’s. And, now I feel older than dirt. Time for some chocolate to feel better. sigh.

    Reply
  6. Ponytail Avatar
    Ponytail

    @ Sparrow_hawk – Oh my gosh! My Mom loved Perry Como. Just how old are you?? 😉

    @ Tam Dixon – Hope you are doing okay weather wise. Lot’s of tornados out your way today.

    Come on Joe, got any pictures of a fat Superman? And please don’t leave me hanging, what was Lois’ secret???

    Reply
  7. whoviantrish Avatar
    whoviantrish

    This reminds me of the ancient Mickey Mouse cartoons. There’s nothing like seeing Mickey swing a cat over his head by its tail all for the sake of keeping time to music. When my brother and sisters saw this at Disneyland we all gasped. Even in cartoon form it was shocking and horrible to watch. Then one of us pointed out that we used to watch Tom and Jerry and Wile E. Coyote. I guess we’re used to seeing Tom and Wile E. get their comeuppance but Mickey inflicting pain on some cat was new to us.

    Yes, we’ll definitely look back ten and definitely twenty years from now and be a bit scandalized at how things used to be. However at least we’re progressing. Although if you own an NBA team you may still be living in the dark ages.

    Reply
  8. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    Did you just discover the Superdickery site?

    das

    Reply
  9. Winst Avatar
    Winst

    Mr. Joe….I wasn’t sure on how to best get this to you..so I
    am posting it here in the comments section hoping that it meets
    with your eyes.
    I think that you should watch this and that you’ll get a kick
    out his comments at the end regarding Tokyo.

    ==============
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYvgnPL-xjo
    ===============
    ===============
    Anthony Bourdain — My Last Meal Would Be …

    Published on Apr 28, 2014

    Anthony Bourdain has probably eaten every single food on the planet, but he actually
    was able to choose the one thing he would want for his last meal … and it’s really
    pretty simple.
    ===============

    Reply
  10. Sparrow_hawk Avatar
    Sparrow_hawk

    I hope we eventually get past this era of political correctness with everyone so ready to take offense at the least little thing, so that in 20 years people really can look back on it and laugh.

    @ponytail: My mother and all of my Italian aunties loved Perry Como – which is why I remember seeing him when I was a kid. My family watched a lot of the music and variety shows back in the early 60’s.

    @gforce: now that you are out of the woods, check for ticks. That is my public service announcement for today.

    @das: is there really such a site?

    Reply
  11. arcticgoddess Avatar
    arcticgoddess

    Watching Atlantis “Reunion” on Space Channel. An oldie but a goodie…and McKay whining as usual. I enjoyed watching Aleks Paunovic along with Mark Dacascos once again. This was the first episode of Col. Carter in control of Altantis and poor Ronon has to fight his friends. I guess you really can’t go home again.

    I was never a huge comic book reader, but I do remember most of those titles, which was why I was not a huge comic book reader. 🙂

    Reply
  12. dasndanger Avatar
    dasndanger

    @ Sparrowhawk – Most certainly – Superdickery.com

    Proceed with caution, however – I can’t guarantee it’s a safe site (I once had a problem with it – though the problem may have been on my end of the computer, not theirs).

    das

    Reply
  13. Tam Dixon Avatar
    Tam Dixon

    Ponytail: We are fine. Thanks for asking! Most of the tornadoes were south of us. It was a rough Monday here but I’m feeling fortunate!!!!

    Sparrow_hawk: Not feeling sad. It was supposed to be an “oops” face (I missed up the coding in my previous post) but WordPress changed their emoticons. 😛

    gforce: Hope ya feeling better soon AND I second Sparrow_hawk’s suggestion to “check for ticks”. Those little seed ticks are a nightmare!

    The comic book covers brought back memories. I’d forgotten how many comics I’d actually read. Books were hard to find in Hohenwald, TN but comics were cheap/plentiful.

    G’day All!

    Reply
  14. DP Avatar
    DP

    Now that my friend Rob Boley’s book That Risen Snow is on paperback, I’d like to nominate it for the Book of the Month club.

    Reply
  15. gforce Avatar
    gforce

    @Sparrow & Tam Dixon: Sadly, I didn’t get much of a chance to get out into the woods as most of the time was spent indoors on the Wilderness First Aid course and the volunteer training. Unless you count the couple of times I had to lay “injured” in the grass (for the scenarios).

    My cold however, is even worse this evening. Blech. It started out as a sore throat and now has moved into my lungs.

    Reply
  16. glowyzoey Avatar
    glowyzoey

    I used to read some of the Superman comics when I was a kid. I liked the DC comics, but then I discovered Spiderman and the shiny Marvel verse. Don’t recall any of these, however, and am pretty sure I’d have stopped reading Supie if I had come across them. Unless I did read them, and blanked out the whole experience. O_o

    @Tam Dixon Thanks for what you said. I’ve been tempted to go out and rescue another cat, but I still have four and they’ve all settled down since Rox left us. The two who used to hang out with her the most are now cuddle-buddies, without their big sis to snuggle up to and the others are more independent. I’m sure they all knew before I did that she was ill and have accepted it and moved on. Anyway, I don’t want to rock the boat by bringing a new kid into the mix. Besides, we don’t need another mouth to feed or more vet bills. They’re all around the same age and will, hopefully, reach old age around the same time. Paws crossed that everybody sticks around that long. These guys need me, not a new brother or sister. And now Charlie is bugging me to feed him. Better go do that.

    Reply
  17. glowyzoey Avatar
    glowyzoey

    Just wanted to add that I really want to see Godzilla. It looks great and, hey, Bryan Cranston. <3

    Reply
  18. Catherine Avatar
    Catherine

    Man, this takes me back. As a kid I stumbled across a copy of a Superman comic of my dad’s (?) that showed Lois as a cyborg. In the name of Love for Superman, she’d undergone some sort of crazy experimental surgery to replace all her bones with metal – her skin was now a glove that she could slide off in sections. Again the theme of not being good enough for Superman unless she had special powers – poor Lois!

    Reply
  19. Chev Avatar
    Chev

    When I first read the title I thought you meant Lois dated a lot hahahaha… I just can’t get past the lead mask. What on Earth hides beneath it?

    Cheers, Chev

    Reply
  20. PBMom Avatar
    PBMom

    I was more an Archie comic fan in my younger years.

    Reply
  21. alittlebravado Avatar
    alittlebravado

    I truly came late to the “party” as I discovered this by accident, but I have to say I’m a huge fan of Mr. Mallozzi’s work, and I’m totally hooked on Dark Matters, may it last long.

    On the subject matter, as an ex-Eastern bloc kid, my access to such comics came in the form of misprints in French or German, so these issues did not register with me, but I also don’t mind it either, they were a product of their time. In a sense, it’s openly hypocritical, since the times decried the jackbooted oppression of the Red Army (and it truly wasn’t fun), but did not bat an eye on how that same system treated minorities and women. In Sups defense, his motto includes fighting for the American way, not the humanist way. I don’t think I say anything new with not being a bigot or prejudiced isn’t okay because of political correctness. It might just be me, but if anyone agrees, that this would be okay today, I seriously have to question if they can root for Number 1 to 6, as in that scenario, they are the oppressed and persecuted ones.

    Reply

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