August 4, 2026: Cookie Monster movie review – Backrooms (2026)!

Backrooms be a movie about a guy who diskover portal in furniture store basement dat lead to weird other world where he get lost and eventually go crazy. It eerily similar to dat time Monster get lost in basement during Grover’s Uncle’s house party. After downing six Jagermeister bombs and two pizza subs, Monster feel need to launch his own pizza sub and head downstairs, but take wrong turn and lose his way. As me keep searching, me keep getting even more lost – and desperate for bathroom! But just when it look like it going to be a craptastrophe…success!

Good news = Monster able to reach toilet just in nick of time.

Bad news = Turn out “toilet” actually Grillmaster 2000.

Anyway, me try to head back upstairs but not able to find way out and wander for who knows how long, corridor after corridor, room after room. Monster survive by eating his own shoes and drinking his own tears. Finally, when all hope seem as lost as Monster, Grover show up and ask where me been.

“What day is it?!”me cry.

“Saturday,”say Grover.

“Me lost for a whole week!”say Monster.

“No,”Grover tell me. “You only been missing forty minutes”.

And so Monster learn valuable lessons about temporal distorting power of Jagermeister and de deliciousness of high top sneakers.

Anyway, Backrooms tell de classic tale of Boy lose Girl, Boy lose Mind, Boy eaten by giant pirate. Along de way, movie ask some very interesting questions about identity, memory, and de value of an architectural degree.

Also, movie conkclude wit one of dose endings dat not make a lick of sense and when Monster ask maker: “What it mean?” he respond: “What do YOU tink it mean?”

And Monster answer: “Me not know what it mean. Dats why Monster asking you.”

And he say: “And now, me asking you.”

At dis point Monster very suspicious and ask: “Maker not know ending to own movie?”

And he say: “Of course Maker know ending of own movie, but prefer to leave open for audience interpretation.”

And Monster say: “Yo, bitch, dis not Introduktion to Hermeneutic Philosophy. If Monster happy wit not getting straight answers, me would still be dating Grover’s sister. Monster paid ten bucks for a whole movie, and dat inklude an ending!”

And he shout back: “Sir, dis is an Arby’s!”

Verdict: Backrooms be conceptually creepy and enjoyable slow burn but ultimately lacking standout scares. And proper ending.

Rating: 3.5 chocolatey chip cookies.