DK posterTree tings monster hate most in dis world: injustice, poverty, and movies dat run more den two hours.  Unless film be based on musty Russian novel, it have no business being so long.  Seriously!  Your movie be about a guy running around town in a cape punching people. It not exaktly Anna Carnita or Dr. Chicago.

Still Dark Knight be pretty good movie.  In many ways, it be better den first movie in series.  In other ways, it be worse. Specifically, in small, stoopid, “dis makes no sense” ways.

De last clown you want showing up to your kid's birtday party
De last clown you want showing up to your kid’s birtday party

Movie begin wit bank heist.  Robbers wit clown masks break in, den start killing each other off becuz dey were told to.  Of course, anyone wit half a brain would realize “Hey, someone tell me to kill off my bank robbing buddy, MEBBE someone telling my bank robbing buddy to kill me too!”.  Only one guy come to dis conklusion – but only eventually AFTER de heist.  And he get creamed by school bus.

Last surviving bank robber remove clown mask to reveal…clown face! Let’s call him…Mr. Giggleshiv!  No.  Bozomofo!  No.  De Joker!  He climb into bus and den, presumably because he called ahead to get bus schedule, he merge into line of school buses driving by.  He merge into traffik BY DRIVING OUT OF A DESTROYED BANK!  You would tink someone might notice?  Find it odd?  Moving on…

Legend of de Batman keeping bad guys running scared.  But Batman not de only good guy in Gotham.  District Attorney Harvey Dent also getting quite de rep as criminal ass-kicker.  Heads of different crime faktions get together to complain about him.  Meeting get crashed by Joker who do cool magik trick, den offer to kill Batman for half deir money.  And he not take no for an answer.

Batman travel to Hong Kong where he kidnap some accountant as part of useless storyline dat go absolutely nowhere and add nothing to main story.

Meanwhile, Joker start causing trouble in Gotham.  He poison Commissioner Leob wit acid.  He blow up judge.  And what Batman movie would be complete witout ubiquitous scene of bad guy crashing fancy soiree?  Joker show up at big shingding for Harvey Dent.  Batman also show up but Joker get away by pulling de ole “trow de girl out de window” gag.

But Joker strike again.  He make attempt on Harvey Dent in broad daylight.  Batman’s buddy, Jim Gordon, get shot and killed.  No, we not see body but police break news to poor, grieving wife so he obviously dead.  Right?

Assistant to assistant of de assistant DA, Rachel Dawes, have quiet moment wit Bruce where he tell her he going to reveal his sekret identity.  Dey kiss.  Wait?  What?!  Who dis woman?  How she know his identity?  Monster not recognize her at all!  No.  Wait.  It be different aktress playing part of Bruce’s love interest/perpetual damsel in dis dress from first movie.  Oh, me get it now.  She better den last aktress at akting, but worse den her at staying alive.

At press conference, Harvey Dent admit…HE Batman.  And arrested. Hunh?  If Bruce in on dis ruse, why he tell Rachel HE going to admit to being Batman?  If he not in on ruse, why he not speak up?

Joker end up attacking convoy transporting “Batman”, just like Harvey planned.  Batman crash de party and Jim Gordon show up in nick of time and capture Joker.  Wait!  What?  Jim Gordon alive?!  But police told his wife he be dead!  Cue scene where Jim tell his wife he sorry but he couldn’t tell her de truth.  Why not?  Mebbe she a blabbermouth who can’t be trusted?

Harvey and Rachel missing.  Batman interrogate Joker.  He tell Batman where to find dem, but he can only save one.  Only one!  Why?  Why not call someone who be in de area and save both?

Gordon race to scene where Rachel being held – but too late.  She get blown up.  Batman save Harvey – who end up wit an ouchy on his face…

Good side

To top tings off, Joker eskape from interrogation room by…well, we not sure how.   Presumably, he overpower Detective Bullock?  We just have to take his word for it.  He blow up police station by triggering phone bomb in his thug’s stomach.  Whew.  Good ting police metal detektor broken dat day!

Joker threaten to blow up hospital!  Dressed up as nurse, he pay visit to Harvey and talk some nonsense into him.  He offer to let Harvey kill him.  Crazy Harvey, flip a coin – and let him live.

City in chaos!  No one can leave becuz Joker hint he may have rigged bridges and tunnels wit explosives!

Harvey start taking revenge on dose responsible for death of Rachel (except guy directly responsible, de Joker).  He surprise mobster in back of his car, flip his coin to see if he shoot him or not.  Mobster luck out.  Coin say no.  So Harvey shoot driver instead, causing car to crash. Huh?  Why driver not deserve coin flip?  He just a guy doing his job!

Only way out of Gotham is by ferry.  Knowing dis, police make a point of checking it for explosives send dem on deir way.  And, guess what? Dey diskover explosives on board!  Dey also find box containing detonator.  Dis result in most stoopidest clumsy line in movie when guy ask: “Why would they give us the detonator to our own bomb?”. OUR OWN bomb?.  Why would he say dis?  Becuz dere be ANOTHER ferry out dere wit ANOTHER bomb!  Aktually, no.  Dere be no reason for him to say dis.  It sound like a line de studio added “for clarity” and it just end up making even less sense.

Passengers on both ferries told dey have detonator to other ferry’s bomb.  If dey trigger other bomb, dey save demselves.  If dey don’t choose, dey all die!

Batman track down Joker to high-rise.  Exciting showdown ensue. Batman capture Joker and foil his attempt to blow up ferries. Passengers on both ferries do de right ting and don’t blow each other up.  We have all learned valuable lesson today about de human spirit and de power of love to conquer –

But wait!  It not over!  Harvey Dent kidnap Jim Gordon’s family!  He going to get his revenge on Gordon becuz…er…becuz…Jim Gordon…uh…becuz Harvey be crazy.

But Batman arrive in nick of time!  He save Gordon and co., killing (?) Harvey/Two-Face.  He and Gordon decide to publikly lie and accuse de innocent Batman of Harvey’s murder so dat, uh, Harvey can remain symbol for truth and justice.  By lying and accusing an innocent man. Truth and justice.  Okie dokie.

Verdikt: Overall a pretty good movie if you squint at de little stoopidities.

Rating: 8 chocolate chippee cookies.

19 thoughts on “March 4, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Dark Knight!

  1. Another spot on review. The whole two face plotline was wasted.
    The film is still the best of the three though.

  2. I suppose that really, this movie is kind of like an impressionist painting, best viewed by standing back and looking at the whole picture blended together, rather than the messy blobs of paint that you see close up. It seems a grand concept, but you’re right Cookie, in that it falls apart in the details.

    “Harvey and Rachel missing. Batman interrogate Joker. He tell Batman where to find dem, but he can only save one. Only one! Why? Why not call someone who be in de area and save both?” – This part bugged me the first time I saw the movie and every time I’ve seen it since. It just makes no sense, or it does only if everyone involved is breathtakingly stupid.

    In fact, there were a lot of little things that didn’t make sense at all, such as how the Joker or his henchmen (how many did he have, anyway?) managed to rig explosives into so many things. Why would anyone believe the joker about putting bombs on the bridges and tunnels? Why wouldn’t they check them out? How did somebody put SO many explosive in the ferries without somebody noticing? Or the hospital for that matter? A hospital is a very busy place at all times of the day. Wouldn’t SOMEONE notice someone rigging that many explosives throughout the building?

    Yes, the whole “the detonator to OUR bomb” thing was ridiculous. I winced when I heard it. It even kind of sounded like it was added after the fact, and yet was completely unnecessary.

    I completely agree about the whole Hong Kong diversion. It was like part of and idea for a completely different movie, that they decided to use to pad this one out to the more “epic” time frame of 2.5+ hours.

    All that said, Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker was brilliant and I don’t think could be improved upon. In fact, he kind of overshadows the rest of the movie for better or worse. Great work and a real tribute to him as an actor, rest his soul.

    So yeah, despite all it’s issues, it was still a pretty watchable movie. Taken as a whole picture, it deserves its eight cookies.

  3. @ Tam Dixon – Me and actors? It’s complicated. 😉 And I have no doubt that Fillion is a nice guy. He’s just not my type on the screen. Who knows what he’d be in real life. 😉 It’s all about the way I view entertainment – if I’m going to waste valuable time watching this stuff, I want it to meet my standards perfectly. Otherwise, I might as well turn it off and find something else that does.

    Man, I sound mean tonight, don’t I? 😛

    RE: This movie. I did not like it. I felt that there was a political message inserted into the thing for no good reason, and I absolutely hated the Joker. I just felt that the character was too one-dimensional, and without any sort of backstory there was no reason for me to care about the guy one way or the other. I did warm a bit to Batman in this one, but not enough for me to want to watch it again. I found the movie morbidly depressing, and in some ways I felt that it glorified wanton violence. Now, in all fairness, just days before I saw this movie the mother and niece of a friend of mine were butchered by a schizophrenic relative, so that may be what prevents me from finding anything even remotely redeeming in this film. Still, even without that I think the film was just a bit too dark for my tastes.

    Man, I DO sound mean tonight! 😛 😛


  4. A lot of Cookie’s Monsters criticisms read as nit-picks (the Joker said Batman couldn’t save both of them, as in he himself as he can’t be in two placed at once, not that no one could save the second person… and they even DID send people to the second address). And some of them are even wrong (like the bit with the mobster’s driver).

    The accountant was directly tied to the mob’s money (and would have helped them put away the big mob bosses), so the plot line didn’t “go no where”. The Joker’s plan in the police station was to get the accountant guy out of lock-up (and delivery him to the mob).

  5. The first time I watched this movie and the sequel, I thought “not bad”. But the second viewing spoiled the movie for me. What Cookie Monster calls “de little stupidities” add up to a big fat thumbs down. I mean, really. I have seen fan fic writers who could turn in a tighter script. It really is a shame, since this version of the joker certainly is the creepiest Ive seen in any medium. And I agree wholeheartedly with the timing. There is no real reason for a superhero movie to run two hours, certainly not almost 21/2, especially when we are past the “origins” stage of storytelling. Still, great review, though I go with 5/10 myself.

  6. Really?!? Cookie seems like a bitter old puppet. Its starting to read like Cookie just wants to hate everything and is incapable of enjoying a movie. I’d be curious to have him review Ark of Truth and Continuum to see how objectively consistent he can be. Maybe behind the scenes Oscar has tied up Cookie and thrown him in the closet and has highjacked the reviews.

  7. I love the way Cooke breaks down this movie: this film really didn’t make sense. I thought I missed key plot points while I was chewing my nachos; the crunching tends to drown out the dialogue. I love Batman begins (Ra’s al Ghul!) but I now see the parallels between B2 and B3 – villains trap Gothamites in the city with the threat of blowing up bridges in both films. If it was me I’d have moved out of Gotham long ago, or built a huge pantry with three months worth of paper goods from Costco, which is exactly how long it would take Gotham PD to escape the city’s sewers.

  8. Cookie made some great points and I think 8 cookies is fair. This was such a dark film. Heath Ledger was fantastic as the joker but man, to play someone so dark/twisty so well…it’s no surprise that he imploded. Every time I watch this film, I’m fascinated. Then I get sad about the Harvey character and then Ledger’s unnecessary death. Hmm, that may explain way I don’t watch this film often.

    Das: You may never be a Nathan Fillion fan but when you have a chance, watch Firefly. Joss Whedon gave the cast some great lines and created some interesting characters. I read once that Ben Browder auditioned for Mal at the same time Nathan Fillion did. They kind of have the same look, so I can see that happening. Both of the actors seem like nice guys but I’m glad it worked out the way it did. Ben Browder was great in Farscape but Firefly would have had a different feel with B.B. as Mal.

  9. I enjoyed The Dark Knight in the cinema and upon second viewing this time found it still enjoyable but at the 2-hour mark I also found myself looking at my watch and wondering why it hadn’t finished yet.

    I felt the addition of the Two Face plot at the end just dragged the movie out. It could have been resolved 30 minutes earlier without it.

    The Joker was great. Continuing on from last week’s discussion about a lack of genocidal tendencies in villains we have the diametrically opposite in this movie.

    Plus! PLUS! For once they didn’t kill off the villain at the end of the movie so that they can play a part in the sequel instead of rolling out inferior and lesser known villains. This movie got it right! And then Heath Ledger had to go and ruin it all. Silly, drug addled Australians!

    I don’t care about the WTF moments in this movie, it’s still one of the most real superhero movies we’ve seen so far. This is what it would be like if the world really had super heroes and super villains.

  10. “…but he can only save one. Only one! Why? Why not call someone who be in de area and save both?”

    You see this on so many movies and TV shows. Cops driving at breakneck speed across town to save someone or stop someone. Why not call a local cop?

    “…an ouchy on his face…” Hah!

  11. @Cookie:

    I’d give Dark Knight 6 or 7 cookies. It was mostly some of the technical glossing-over that kept getting in the way of fully enjoying this film. Like:

    When Batman was fighting Joker in the under-construction-building and he was using the “sonar eyelids”, there was obviously enough light to see (the Joker was landing his punches for example), so why didn’t Batman simply turn off the eyelids so he could see better and fight better?

    For 7/8ths of the film I thought Gotham had no SWAT teams or bomb squads; they didn’t show up at the hospital explosion, they didn’t show up near the ferries, they didn’t inspect the bridges, but the SWAT team shows up in the last ten minutes to completely bungle-up a hostage rescue? Where had they been during the rest of the film?

    Overall, though, the Dark Knight was mostly enjoyable.

    On other matters, I’m a little behind on things; I’ve been down a few days due to a pharyngitis infection (I made it through Jackie’s party, but barely). After seeing the Doctor (and getting anti-inflammatories and anti-biotics), I’m just starting to feel somewhat functional today, so hopefully I can catch up the latter half of this week; I still have a Cherry Cheesecake to bake for Jackie.

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