Hulk posterThis movie be improvement over first Hulk film de way a bad cold be improvement over Type A influenza.  In retrospekt, you not want to subject yourself to either but, hey, in dis case beggars Supermovie of de Week Club reviewers can’t be choosers.  Still, whereas first movie be uniformly stoopid-ridikulous throughout, dis Hulk movie start off entertaining-promising before shifting gears to dull-prediktable and finally downshifting to stoopid-ridikulous for last turd.

Bruce Banner invent formula dat give South American cola all de taste wit only half de calories!

Sekwel pick up where first movie leave off.  Bruce Banner now living incognito in Rio de Janeiro (just like Grover after he knock up Swedish Chef’s niece Torbjorg!).  He work at South Amerikan soda plant where duties inklude fixing tings and pissing off co-workers wit his gringo ways.  Off-hours, he enjoy spending time wit his dog, meditating to control his heart rate, and trying to find cure for his Hulkitis.  BUT one day, he cut himself at work and drop of blood contaminate a bottle.  It end up getting shipped to U.S. where it unwittingly get drinked by Stan Lee (Seriously.  Dese Stan Lee cameos be best ting about dese movies!).  Before you can say “Excelsior!”, word get out and General Thunderbolt Ross dispatch army to GET HIM!

Army ambush Banner.  Chase ensue – part of which take dem across rooftops of favela (Brazilian shantytown).  Dis, of course, be a scene required for every movie dat shoot in Rio.  Eventually, Bruce cornered in bottling plant where he beaten up by co-workers he happen to come across.   He Hulk Out, kick some ass, and disappear.

He awaken some time later in Guatemala where he ask some guy for a lift.  A couple of scenes later, Bruce be back in U.S. wit new clothes. How dis possible?  Did he have cash and fake visa stashed away somewhere?  Did sekret anonymous benefaktor make arrangents?  Or did guy give him lift all de way from Guatemala in his jeep?  We never find out but it would be nice to know.

It be at dis point in de movie when tings get a lot less interesting. Bruce make contakt wit his old girlfriend, Betty.  But Betty’s new boyfriend, Phil Dumphy from Modern Family, find dis uncool and report him to General Ross.  Army be dispatched.  Bruce Hulk Out!  More middling visual effekts!  And, again Hulk get away (although monster seriously wonder where, exaktly, giant green guy can hide even if he can jump really far).

Bruce eventually hook up wit Betty again and dey track down mysterious Mr. Blue who working on serum to cure Bruce of Hulkism (also work on psoriasis!).  He try it on Bruce and it work!  At which point lab crashed by army!  Bruce and Betty on de run – but get captured.  Meanwhile, crazy soldier stay behind and force Mr. Blue to injekt him wit Banner’s blood. He mutate into…an Abomination!  Giant, grey and bony!  But, unlike Hulk, he speak perfekt English and still get to keep his quaint English accent.

General Ross learn about Abomination rampage.  Bruce tell him only way to stop him be by letting him Hulk Out.  Ross say okie-doke.  BUT Bruce took serum!  It possible for him to turn back into Hulk?  How to know?  Run on de spot until heart rate go up?  Cut himself?  Get soldier to slap him around?  No!  He trow himself out of a helikopter! HUH?!!

Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?

Cue silly monster fight.  Hulk win and about to kill Abomination when Betty scream: “No!” and make Hulk stop.  Not sure why.  Mebbe she want to adopt adorable psychotic mutant?  Who wouldn’t?!

Movie end in British Columbia where Bruce able to control his heart rate for 31 days – and den Hulk Out!

Movie also end wit Tony Stark approach General Ross in a bar about “putting a team together”.  What could he be talking about?!  All superhero volleyball dream team for next Olympics?  Monster so excited!

Verdikt: Not terrible but not good.  Dis movie be about as enjoyable as your kid’s piano recital.  (Pleaze don’t lie to yourself).

Rating: 5 chocolate chippee cookies.

18 thoughts on “February 11, 2013: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Incredible Hulk (2008)!

  1. I really liked this one, so that’s that.

    Been a weird day. Our cat China, the one that was living outside, died suddenly today. Our neighbor had taken her in about two or three weeks ago, and she hasn’t been outside since. We kept him stocked with food and litter, and she seemed to be doing well, but for some reason she had a spell this afternoon, and died. It is what it is, and I’m not going to speculate if she got into something she shouldn’t have, or if she had some unknown disease or heart condition. At least her last few weeks were in a nice warm house, and that’s all that matters at this point.

    A nice thing also happened. The couple who had the yard fire stopped by and gave us a bottle of wine in appreciation for helping them yesterday. That was totally unexpected and just a really nice thing for them to do since we certainly didn’t help because we wanted something out of it.

    Anyway, I’m a bit tired so just gonna go chill now.


  2. Head’s up for those interested – tonight and tomorrow night is the Westminster Dog Show. I’m taping the whole thing on USA tomorrow (tonight’s show airs in the morning, tomorrow’s airs live). Tonight it’s on CNBC – I would watch or tape it tonight but I already have two shows taping at 10 pm so I can’t. I love this show, and am eager to see who comes out as top dog!


  3. I was at minute 15 when I read this review. The movie takes a turn toward dull you say? Phhhhhtt. I’ll just skip to the silly monster fight, then.

    I guess we’re just watching a round of Super Smash Brothers if you can’t maneuver the hero’s girlfriend close to the fight so…whatever.

    That is so wrong to just leave a downed opponent and just assume he’s harmless now because, what? This is the part of the story where that happens? Now, if they’d made it clear the military copter was needed to further subdue the bad monster, that would have been a plausible way for Hulk to escape the scene. But, no, they have transcended the rule “show, don’t tell” and just don’t do either.

    In the end, where the screen shows

    text: “Days without incident: 31”
    green eyes!
    text: “Days without incident: 0”

    … are they allowed to do that? I’d have to do more “show, don’t tell” in a novel. This is a mooooooooovie. “He went to the country and did not hulk out for thirty-one days. Then he did.” Phhhhtt.

  4. I’ll forever be a fan of the Eric Bana version because, hey, it’s Eric “always gorgeous on the eyes” Bana. Heavy sigh. Time Traveler’s Wife, LOTR, Absolutely BRILLIANT in JJ Abrams rebooted Star Trek, Black Hawk Down. Troy. Deep breath, heavy sigh. My version of McDreamy.

  5. This is such a pleasure to watch a stargate sg1 episode i’ve never seen ! So much excited ! (705 Révisions)

  6. @Cookie Monster:

    Seriously. Dese Stan Lee cameos be best ting about dese movies!

    For a while that was the only thing to look forward to in a Marvel film…

  7. “It’s clobberin’ time!” Er, I mean, “Hulk go smashy smash!” Or something.

    Anyway, maybe it’s just that I don’t like the whole concept of The Hulk or something, but I found this version just as awful as the others, aside from the somewhat better VFX. It seemed just as full of the same bad dialogue,
    nonsensical plotting, and pointless explosions as its predecessors.

    How did the government track him down so quickly right to his apartment in Brazil? Through his workplace I assume, but it jumps right to it. And after all his running over the rooftops of the city he comes down to the street and – then the government truck winds up exactly in front of him – again!? And THEN he runs into the same guy that he had the issue with in the factory? What are the chances? And why would he run to the factory where he worked – the most likely place to look for him? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

    I guess I still have an issue with the pants. How do they stay on? At least for his new ones he was looking for something “stretchy” and the writers were at least acknowledging the issue. But THAT stretchy?

    And yes, how exactly DID he get from Guatemala to the US with apparently no problem? Nice work, Homeland Security.

    Ross’ whole character just seems so one-note. It doesn’t appear to have any colour or nuance at all. He’s just “evil”. The movie itself doesn’t really have any depth. It’s basically just that bad government guys are trying to apprehend him to turn the technology use to create him into a weapon. Except… they used apparently the same technology to give the other military guy similar powers so… why did they need him again? Also, did they not think that perhaps creating yet another monster may not be so good an idea? Maybe the whole Hulk premise just doesn’t lend itself to subtlety? I suppose that’s logical.

    The whole massive military operation every time to try to catch him is ridiculous. Why not just have one solitary guy go in an try to take him sometime? It does make for lots of explosions, though.

    So, when Banner and his girl are making out, and his heart rate goes up and he tells her he can’t get too excited, he IS talking about Hulkism, right?

    The whole thing in Stearns’ lab just seemed bizarre. I can’t put my finger on why. Maybe because Stearns just seems so freaking weird.

    Yeah, how exactly DID he change back again at the end? He impacted the pavement as a regular person. How did he survive that?

    And yeah, why the HELL did Banner’s girlfriend yell for him to stop killing the Abomination? Did this thing not just try to KILL all of them?

    I keep feeling there’s pieces of several different movies put together because the tone and style seem to change in different parts. Were there a number of different writers or something? That never met? It’s like the whole movie was just a bunch of stuff that they had to get through in order to justify and get to the big Hulk/Abomination fight at the end. Oh, and to serve as an extended advertisement for The Avengers, I guess.

    Maybe it’s my Type A Influenza talking, but in the end I just found the whole thing boring. I have to admit, I rather hated it. I don’t know if I’d give it any cookies, but it may have been appropriate to give it the gross green thing that I hacked up earlier today.


  8. @Das, so sorry to hear about China’s passing. China was loved; that’s the most important thing in the world.

    @PBmom, I agree about Bana, he’s the reason I cherish my Star Trek 2009 dvd. They could have just made that whole movie about Nero and I’d have been happy.

    To answer Cookie’s question, in the film the distance from Central America to the US is a couple hundred yard, not the four hour flight or three day boat ride. It’s like when Melanie Griffith ran from Berlin to Switzerland in one night, in high heels no less in some terrible movie I saw once. If Hulk was wearing those same magic heels then he’d have made the trip in minutes.

  9. @ Das – sorry about your outside kitty China. You cared for her as much as she would allow. Also, enjoyed your fire story from yesterday. Way to go, hero! It reminds me of… an older neighbor of mine fell off his ladder one November. In December, bringing a small Christmas gift and thank you card, he and his wife walked around to the 3 neighbors (including me) who rushed across the street to help him, call 911, and wait with him, when he fell. Totally not necessary but it meant alot to me to find out it meant alot to them. A simple “Thank you” jesture goes a long way.

  10. Thanks, everyone. I’m not too upset about China, though I am curious about what happened. As some may remember, we had to make her an outdoor cat because she refused to use the litter pan. She seemed happy outside, but she also was a bit odd, preferring to sit in the rain, for instance, to going inside her shelter. I have no idea what sort of kittenhood she had because someone gave her to us after she was already grown, and she had been passed around a bit before that. She was always a bit stressed, even though we have a quiet home. Maybe it was too quiet, maybe she needed more stimuli. Oh well. I guess what I am most upset about is just not knowing if she died from something preventable. Did she eat something she shouldn’t have? Was she masking an illness? Was she hurt somehow?

    I guess I’ll never know, and now it’s time to move on.

    Thanks again, everyone.


    1. @Das I must have skimmed too fast through a post. My condolences on China. I know you said you are not too upset, but still, I send my sympathies.

  11. Once again I find it hard to understand how The Hulk qualifies as a superhero. Maybe the comics are different but in the movies there’s hardly any “hero” involved. Bruce Banner is a hero by doing everything he can to stop The Hulk from happening and then, eventually, sacrificing his chance at normality in order to stop the Abomination.

    I, too, couldn’t understand how he got back into the USA. We see him waking up in Guatemala, then he’s begging in rags in Mexico and then he’s in Virginia in new clothes. And supposedly only 17 days had passed since the events in Brazil. Huh?

    The whole Mr. Blue and Mr. Green thing didn’t make sense to me either. How did they originally get in contact with each other? What’s the deal with the encrypted chat? Why did Mr. Blue have a fully functional lab on standby just in case My. Green came by and need treatment? Who was paying for it all?

    Don’t get me started on the jumping out of the helicopter!

    Why was it only the Rosses that survived the helicopter crash? Lots of young, fit soldiers in there, most probably even wearing their harnesses, but the unrestrained female scientist and old general are the only two survivors?!?!?!?!

    What happened to the Abomination? By stopping The Hulk from killing it Betty showed us that she has some control over The Hulk and that there’s still some part of Bruce in there but there’s no mention of what happens to the Abomination after that. Is he turned back into a human? Is he taken away by the Army for experimentation? Did he get sent to jail for killing all those innocent people in New York? I was fully expecting him to rise up while Betty and Hulk are having a tender moment and Hulk would then have to finish him off. But that didn’t happen.

    I wonder if it’s in the licensing contract from Marvel that Stan Lee must have a cameo in every movie? My favourite is the one from Iron Man where Tony Stark mistakes Stan for Hugh Hefner.

    Lastly, the final WTF moment in a movie that is one big WTF moment, what’s the deal with Tony Stark talking to Ross about forming a team? It was kinda cool but I didn’t think that Stark was on board with the Avengers Initiative until much later. Was Samuel L. Jackson unavailable or something? And why didn’t they get Iron Man to come and help deal with The Hulk?

    This movie was so full of plot holes and disjointed setpieces that it was impossible to suspend disbelief. It’s almost like they started with a coherent script, filmed everything, realised the movie was going to run for 3 hours and then cut an hour out without any attempt to ensure everything still made sense.

    Hulk Fail!

  12. @das, you and hubby are great kitty protectors, China probably lived a longer life because of you, so thanks from another kitty lover. I bet another will take her place, kitties spread the word, like hobos on a train,(you know what i mean,good stuff).
    ~never could get in to the hulk, maybe it was the man busting out of his clothes and turning green, but yet still having pants on, ,movie magic?!? meh.

  13. @ Sparrowhawk – Boo kitty and I were at the bedroom window, watching the little birdies at the feeder. Suddenly a sparrowhawk swooped from out of nowhere and took down a sparrow. It held it on the ground for a few moments before flying with it up into our holly tree. Very cool! I’m assuming it’s an American kestrel, though Mr. Das swears that it was marked more like the Eurasian sparrowhawk. I know we’ve had sparrowhawks around here for a while, but this is the first time I’ve seen one take down its prey (though I have seen larger hawks do so, especially before we had the feral colony and fed like a bazillion birds – we had hawks around all the time back then). Anyway, it was a cool Wildlife Kingdom moment. 🙂


  14. I’m not sure why the whole getting from Guatemala to Virginia is such a sticking point. Neither of those two places is an island. Getting from one to the other requires neither a flight or a boat trip. A quick google tells me the distance from guatemala city to Virginia is about 2900 miles, which would only be about 3-5 days driving straight through. If it took 17 days, as Line Noise mentions, then that seems about right for a combination of hitchhiking, finding a new ride, finding a way across the boarder, and begging stops so he can get food and maybe money for new clothes.

    As for Mr. Blue and Mr. Green…I thought Banner was a scientist before he turned hulk. It’s not that far beyond belief that he might still have friends in the community that would point him to the right person. I assumed Mr. Blue was the self funded mad scientist type. (doesn’t everyone know someone like that?)

    “He trow himself out of a helikopter! HUH?!!”

    Well, he didn’t want to turn into the Hulk until he was IN the helicopter. If he hulks out in the helicopter it would crash and kill everyone. If he convinces Ross to lands the helicopter so he could try hulking out, the Abomination would have done lots more damage in the meantime. Plus, I think Banner has a bit of a death wish anyway at this point.

    Apparently, when Bruce hulks out it heals all damage, so as long as he could turn hulk after hitting the pavement he’s fine. They use this again in the Avengers.

    The Tony Stark cameo and what happens to the Anomination is explained in a short called “The Consultant”. You can find it on youtube if you search Avengers and consultant.

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