Since returning to Vancouver, I’ve been surprisingly busy – much busier than I expected.  In addition to reorganizing my library, filing eight months’ worth of mail, and completing Akemi’s sponsorship documents, I’ve been catching up on my reading and looking ahead to several projects (outlining and writing the novels, approvals on the Dark Matter comic book, finishing up a pilot script, plotting and writing a feature, researching and writing a historical mini-series).  And then, of course, there’s this blog which takes up a surprising amount of my time given that I haven’t missed a daily entry in almost five years.

Ultimately, something’s gotta give – if only temporarily – and I’m afraid it’s going to have to be this blog.

In order to relieve some of the pressure and free myself up to tackle the 101 other things I need to do, I’ve decided to hand things off to the occasional guest blogger.  But not just any guest blogger.  I want someone intelligent, well-spoken, armed with wit, clever ideas, and an ability to entertain.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find anyone that met the aforementioned criteria so I just settled for whoever had the time and was willing to do it for minimal compensation.

And so, today, I hand the reins over to a longtime friend of this blog: Cookie Monster…

Tanks to Joe for grate introduksun.  And box of Chips Ahoy!  Me very honored, but dis not first time here.  Some of monster’s memmorable visits inklood:

Dis one: February 24, 2008: Baron Destructo and Cookie Monster’s Oscar Picks

Dis one: February 9, 2008: Cookie Monster reviews There Will Be Blood, Baron Destructo reviews The Illusionist, while I consider two fan-Fueled feasts.

Dis one: February 6, 2008: Cookie Monster reviews Snakes on a Plane, Baron Destructo reviews No Country for Old Men

And correspondenz with spammers here: Cookie Monster – James Wiliams here: Cookie Monster – Jennifer here: Cookie Monster – John Max here: Cookie Monster – Lee Ann and here: Cookie Monster – Miss Florance Michael.

Today, me do review of first few episodes of Walking Dead.


Backstory for dose not watch show: Zombees eat people like tasty double-chocolit cookies wit sugar sprinkles.  Nom nom nom!

Episode 1 (and 2) sinopsis: Group get stuk in traffik.  Zombees walk by.  Little gurl gets lost.  Dey look for her.

Two hour premiere move slower den zombee wit bum knee.  Group get stuk in traffik.  Dey put old hat man on lookout dooty.  Big misteak. Eyesight so bad he not notice HORDE of zombees sneaking up on him! WTF (What da Fudgee-O?)!  How dat possible?!!!  Anyway, dey hide under carz – ekcept one guy who decide to walk around, rub up against pointy car part, and cut hisself very bad. Bleeding!  But saved by rednek who hide him under dead(er) zombee (who hopefully not cross-contamunate guy’s open wound but sssh sssh sssh).  Coast seem clear but I say to Oscar sitting beside me “Look out for zombee stragglerz!” Little gurl not look out and chased into woodz.  Sherriff go after her, save her, den lose her, den look for her, den go back, den talk, den talk some more, den look for her.  Meanwile, everybody else talk.  And talk some more.  For some reason, Sherriff say okay for son to go out in woodz and help.  Monster tink: “Hey, dangerous.  But mebbe fadder nose best.” Fadder not nose best.  Boy shot looking at deer.  Oh boy.

Episode 3 sinopsis: Sherriff bring shot boy to farmhouse where doctor is.  Wait for operashun while others go get medikal equipment.  And wait.

Sherriff take boy to farmhouse.  Doctor sez good news: deer shot first, slow bullet down so not hurt boy more badly.  Doctor sez bad news: bullet stuck in boy and not go through.  Monster sez: can’t have boat ways!  Slow bullet or fast bullet better?  Witch iz it?!  Meanwile, other group walk threw woods.  Blond wit terruble periferal vizion not notice walking beside strolling zombee and almost eaten.  Everybody go back to farmhouse and talk except guy wit fever and old hat man who stay behind. And talk.  Wife argue wit Sherriff best frend.  Want to keep relayshunship sekret, but monster wonder how everyone else not know?  If wife and Sherriff friend thot Sherriff dead, den why hid relayshunship before?  Anyway, find church.  Sherriff chat wit zombie Jesus.  Meanwile, Sherriff friend and kid-shooter get medikal supplies. Someting almost happen…den episode end. 🙁

Cookie Monster good at two tings: eating cookies and criticizing.  If you no can send cookies to monster, den send rekwests for stuff to review. Movie, teevee show or, best of both worlds: COOOOKIEEEEEES!

31 thoughts on “October 27, 2011: Turning this blog over to a cookierrific guest blogger!

  1. cookie monster, I am wondering what you think of this season of House. It is quite different, yet the same premise. Cast shuffles are interesting, but better? Has prison changed him? I would like your opinion on this.

  2. Good to hear from you, CM! Review requests:
    “Falling Skies”, season 1
    “Project Runway”, season 9 (US finale was tonight, 10/27)
    “Top Chef: Texas”, current US season begins on/after Nov. 1 (and BTW, it should have been “Top Chef: San Antonio”.)

    As for cookies, I’ll have to find some to send for review that are made here in South Texas.

  3. Sweet….the REAL Mallozzi is back and in great form.
    Thanks for allowing Cookie Monster a turn at the blog.

  4. Omg joe I absolutley love your guest blogger he gives a great review of the walking dead where can I send some home made cookies for him I hope next he will review terra nova. Enjoy the break from the blog but don’t stay away too long well get really bad joe withdrawls.

  5. Cookie Monster, thank you for taking the time to amuse us for free. I started watching The Event. I found the underlying story intriguing, but the out of order storytelling made my brain tired. When the story would jump time after a really dramatic beat and then do that over and over and over, it made my heart tired. Could you provide a synopsis of the story in chronological order?

  6. Oh, Cookie Monster uses cookie-related words where cuss words should be. Even though that never came up in the show, it just feels so right.

  7. As much as I love zombies ( hint – I write a zombie comic), I just not loving Walking Dead. Went to ZomBcon in Seattle last weekend and I felt like the only non-believer in the choir.

  8. Thanks C-Mo! Now I don’t have to watch Walking Dead and I can concentrate on the crazy happenings on American Horror Story and Homeland; if Cookie could give his review on those, especially American Horror Story that would be cool.

  9. Welcome cookie monster!

    – I’ve got an question for you, what are your favorite cookies and do you ever bake them your self?

    The second thing is a request, Can you put a spoiler alert up next time you review a show that has just aired? TY! due to timezone differences i see everything about a day later than you lucky guys!

    @Zombies Nom nom nom! nom nom nnommm brains!

    I found a shop in the netherlands that is gonna sell your comic probebly!
    i am gonna pre-order it!

  10. Cookie Monster, I was a huge fan of yours when I was growing up. I made my mother read me “Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree” every night before bed for about two years straight. I had the book memorized, needless to say.

    While I credit Looney Tunes more with leaving a deeper impression on my life, Sesame Street was also there as a fun show to watch, made all the more enjoyable by your cookie antics. Nowadays, I just don’t know… I fear that over the years, you and your kin have given up your individualities and what made you unique and different from each other in favor of being all things to all people. Most of this I know is forced upon you by “the man”, or “landlord” of Sesame Street. How can cookies be a “sometimes snack” for a cookie monster? This is ludicrous. You must stand up for your individual rights! Don’t be ashamed to be yourself! Be who you are! You’re a Monster! A Cookie Monster! You live on cookies! Vegetables for you are like Tofu for us, useless!! Take back your identity! Be who you were born to be! You were the best cookie monster I had ever seen. It’s time to reclaim your former glory! Call up Mrs. Fields, call up Nestle Tollhouse, call up Otis Spunkmeyer, call up Chips Ahoy, we’ve got a reputation to rebuild, a title to reclaim! Stand tall! Stand proud! Stand firm! You are Cookie Monster!

    C is for Cookie! That’s good enough for me!

    …great, now I need a cookie.

  11. That is awesome. Although it’s pretty tiring using the Cookie Monster voice in my head while reading it!

  12. Very funny! I’m still laughing about it.

    PS : @dasndanger Thank you again for your answer.

  13. Joe, how goes Akemi’s sponsorship? Any progress besides the aforementioned?

    Cookie Monster, thanks for the guest blog! Morning chuckles rock!

    Happy Friday everyone!

  14. Hey Joe
    An idea for you to help you out!
    You have a bunch of loyal readers on this blog so maybe, to help you out we could all pitch in and write a blog or two. Not just mussings (athough some of us would be really good at that) but a FOOD themed blog. We could all feature a local hotspot or street eat. We could send you the info you could proof read and upload one blog with a couple entries when your too busy to write something.
    I know I have a few places around here I would love to mention (one of which I have)!

    Oh Cookie Monster what would the world be like without your unique spin on things.. I dare say a world I would not want to live!!

  15. Thanks, Cook–loved your review. I also love cookies– we have a lot in common. You seem like a funny guy, so how about reviewing some of the new sitcoms like Two Broke Girls, Suburgatory, Whitney, or the rebooted 2 1/2 Men? They’re only 30 minutes long, so you won’t have wasted much time even if you don’t like them. Thanks!

  16. @shane – Maybe send the cookies to Sesame Street? If you worry about their shady (possibly illiterate) postman, send them to Joe. I don’t remember Joe giving us a new address (it used to be Bridge Studios), but maybe the restaurant Refuel would pass them to Joe like pubs do.

  17. I’d kill for some cookies right now,… know what I mean cookie-monster?
    Take your time, Joe. I’m so impressed that you kept it up so long and so well. Thanks again!

  18. See, I totally meant to spell ‘critique’. Really. I blame Mr. Monster for setting a poor example.

    Now, where’d I put those cookies…


  19. I saw this today and wanted to get your take on it:

    “You may live in Canada if you know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.”

    Since I don’t live in Canada I thought I should ask a real Canadian.

    BTW, loved your entry today. It definately is cookierrific!

  20. I think I got sucked into an alternate dimension as I missed THREE POSTS– thought I was just down last nights. And this one I can’t read since I am saving watching the Walking Dead with daughter. Drats.

  21. Had my MRI on Oct 16th, I called the following Monday to book a follow up appointment. They said it can’t take 2 to 3 weeks for the results and scheduled my follow up for Dec 1. It’s been a little over a week since the MRI and got a call today asking me to come in next week…. Should I be worried? Has anyone ever been called back to a specialist early to be told everything is ok?

  22. Dear Cookie Monster,
    Please explain “Lost”. Any season will do.
    – KB
    P.S. COOKIE!
    P.P.S. to Joe:
    >intelligent, well-spoken, armed with wit, clever ideas, and an ability to entertain.
    Cookie Monster fits all those criteria perfectly.

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