Dis be less a movie and more an interminable collektion of lame musical montage sekwences punctuated by occasional attempts at a plot, charakter development and, worst of all, humor. It say a lot about dis catastrophe dat de most interesting part of Zoom be opening five minute info-dump voice-over dat explain how two brothers, Zoom…
December 17, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Lightspeed!
Dis movie suck more den Grover's aunt Tildy at a Shriner's convention. Movie begin wit guy walking down a dark alley where he encounter shaky creep hiding under dirty blanket. To most sane people, dis be invitation to skedaddle. But not dis guy. He stand and watch as - in movie's most horrifying sequence -…
December 10, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews My Super Ex-Girlfriend!
Dis movie reminiscent of monster's ex-girlfriend, Mona Hildeberger. One time, she get so mad after me use dishwasher to dry socks dat she spike monster's L'Oreal shampoo wit Nair hair remover. For two months while wait for fur to grow back, me kept getting mistaken for member of Blue Man Group. Very unpleasant memories. Fortunately,…
December 3, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Superman Returns!
Dis movie more boring den Fozzie Bear's off-off-off Broadway production of "Old Coronation Street Episodes". It so bad dat monster invite friends over and invent Superman Returns drinking game. Everytime someone begin to doze off while watching movie, he have to do shot. By end of movie, not sure if Big Bird and Grover pass…
November 26, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews X-Men: The Last Stand!
On de one hand, dis movie not as good as de original or sekwel. On de other hand, it not make monster want to vomit, kick in his t.v., or punch someone in de nards. Movie pick up where last one left off. Jean Grey be dead and X-Men be in mourning. Cue cornball cliche…
November 19, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Sky High!
Monster can't help but tink dat if Wonder Woman had been my high school principal, me could have accomplished so much more in life. Instead, here me is doing movie reviews to help support my cookie habit. But me suppose it could be worse. Monster could be reviewing Elektra again. Instead, dis week, me watch…
November 12, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Fantastic Four (2205)!
Okay, yes, dis be garbage movie but viewer have to keep in mind dat it made in 1994 by schlock producer Roger Corman for miniscule budget and film never meant to be released...Wait. What? Dis NOT de Roger Corman crapfest but de 2005 $100 million budget version? Are you sure? Hmmm. Monster just checked and…
October 15, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl!
While watching Shark Boy and Lava Girl, monster reminded of great children's movies like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Toy Story, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - and how very crap Shark Boy and Lava Girl be in comparison. In fakt, dis movie so bad it even compare unfavorably to Elmo's arts and crafts macaroni…
October 8, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Elektra!
Dis movie as confused as monster at Grover's bris after me down four shooters, tree oatmeal cookies (de drink, not de cookie), and six oatmeal cookies (de cookies, not de drink). But me not de only one confused dat night. Turn out whole party giant misunderstanding. Girlfriend tired of Grover being taken advantage of by…
September 24, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Catwoman!
How can movie about sexy bendy girl who wear leather outfit and carry a whip not be good? How possible? Well, why not we run down pros and cons of Catwoman. Cons: crappy akting, stoopid skript, lame direktion, annoying music, terruble speshul effekts. Pros: Not longer den 104 minutes. Hmmmm. Monster tink we have our…
September 10, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Hellboy!
Smart, stylish, funny and romantic. No, dis not Monster's horney.com profile. It be desktription of Hellboy, a movie me would call an anty-superhero movie. Why monster call it anty-superhero movie? Becuz monster's Anty Florence not big fan of superhero movies, but she really like superhero movies dat defy de genre by taking established cliches and…
The Supermovie of the Week Club Reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews Hulk (2003)!
At one point during movie, monster get so enraged he charge into food court and start smashing, stomping, screaming, and trowing Sbarro pizza toppings at frightened children when - Oh, sorry. Dis not scene from movie Hulk. Dis was Cookie Monster's REACTION to movie Hulk, one of de most tortuously long and plodding superhero movies…
September 2, 2012: YOUR sure-fire recipe for the perfect steak!
Last night, Ivon came over with fifteen pounds of meat. Now, normally, the writer in me would be instantly suspicious of a friend who just happened to show up on my doorstep with a bag full of red meat that needed eating, but in this case Ivon paved the way with a (suspicious?) story about…
August 27, 2012: The Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes! Cookie Monster reviews X2: X-Men United!
Monster bummed after watching X2: X-Men United. Why? Becuz next to eat cookies, nothing me like better dan to complain. But X2: X-Men United not give monster much to complain about. It an even better movie dan original X-Men movie. For true! Movie kick off wit awesum aktion sekwence in which furry blue mutant (not…
August 23, 2012: Dog Blog! Days of Stargate Atlantis Past! Vengeance!
The dogs make the most of the remaining days of summer: And we continue our look back at Stargate: Atlantis's third season with... VENGEANCE (319) Hot on the heels of the creepy, horror-like Submerged comes the equally creepy mini creature-feature guest starring the villainous Michael. Turns out he didn't perish in that hive ship battle…