I’m working my way, backwards, through this blog – seeking out, copying, and pasting passages I’m thinking of using for an upcoming project. The experience has proven a little surreal, like traveling back in time. Unlike a photograph that captures an instant for future reflection, these 2358 entries, one for every day since I started this blog, are more like a movie, surprisingly detailed in the developments of the various aspects of my life. I hit rewind. My dog Jelly’s hip dysplasia miraculously improves as her staggered gait transforms into an enthusiastic bounding. My other dog, Maximus, is alive again, the effects of the disease that claimed him gradually reversed as he fills back out, hale and hearty, and reassumes his place among the pack.
My year in Toronto goes from bad to worse to an impossible-to-navigate morass and then to better once again, on to hopeful and positive at the start of the journey where I want to wave my hands to grab my past self’s attention and shout: “Look out!” – but, of course, it won’t make a difference. I’m traveling upcurrent through the timestream, a mere observer to past events. Akemi and I go from worrying about whether we should move to worrying about the status of her Canadian Residence application to worrying about the approval of the extension to her visitor’s visa, and then another, and then another, and then she’s settled in and then she’s considering staying on and then she’s back from Perth and then she’s going to Perth and then she’s visiting Canada for the first time and then we’re back in Tokyo and out on our first date and I’m thinking “What will come of this?”.
I clear out my office and leave The Bridge Studios for the last time and then we’re hearing that the show has been canceled, then we’re hearing the show will be back for a third and final season, and then we’re working on SGU’s second season, and then it’s first, and then we’re being told Atlantis won’t be back for a sixth season and I’m not really understanding why the hell not. Paul and I are show running SGA’s fifth season, then it’s fourth. I’m on the phone with composer Joel Goldsmith who is telling me, as he’s told me countless times before, how much he loves the show. Don S. Davis is sitting in my office, all smiles, happy to be back, suggesting we go for dinner, a dinner, I realize now, will never happen.
Blog regulars come and go and come once again. Long lost friends return. Former co-workers I haven’t thought about in years are suddenly foremost in my mind. Past relationships, dissipated by time, coalesce and take form. Past decision, and indecisions, haunt.
And, suddenly, it’s November 21, 2006 and I’m sitting in my office, watching the battery recharge on my new HD camera (less than an hour to go!), making final preparations for my trip to Hong Kong and Tokyo. The plan is to keep a travel diary of sorts – and keep you all entertained, natch – and, if I can figure out how to do it (provided I can theoretically do it at all), I intend to include some pics to accompany the undoubtedly dry text to follow.
And there my journey ends. Beyond this point are fractured pieces of my life, free-floating memories cast adrift, losing focus as they recede.
But if the impossible were possible and I could manage to communicate via an infinitesimal data burst from the present to that me sitting there in my office 5+ years ago, the message would be concise: Don’t worry so much. And appreciate the now.
Today’s entry is dedicated to birthday gal poundpuppy29 (Erika)!