Imagine mash-up of first two Spiderman movies and original X-Men movie but MUCH less hilarious. Dat pretty much sum up dis tired time-waster.
On to monster’s review…
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Old lady fart.
A lot!
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De End.
Verdikt: On de one hand, movie in focus for much of its 82 minute running time; on de other hand…everyting else.
Rating: 1 parody chocolate chippee cookie made out of Play Doh and hamster pellets.
If your idea of fun is watching various stuffed animals appear to dry hump a bad actor, this is your movie.
Consistently horrible. NOT FUNNY EVER. I never thought so much stupidity could be crammed in to 68 (less credits with stupid “deleted scenes”) minutes.
There are a number of actors in here that I used to respect. I suppose this does indicate they are officially washed up.
Wait, did the concept of the bad guy just rip off the Wraith!!?? WTF??
Normally in these reviews, I would point out any kind of problems or plot inconsistencies that I would note, but there really isn’t a plot as such. It’s just a collection of lame-ass supposed-to-be-jokes that are “send-ups” of previous (far from perfect but infinitely better than this) superhero movies and stupid celebrity non-look-alikes.
In fact, there’s really nothing here to critique. It would be like looking to the garbage pail and saying “Oh, that empty bag of Fudg-e-o’s doesn’t go with that rotting apple core AT ALL!” I could have lined my parrot’s cage with writing paper for a couple of days and pulled out a better written script than this. It certainly did have its share of poop “jokes”. Personally, I’ve had more entertaining bouts of IBS.
Easily the longest, shortest movie we’ve watched in this series.
Can we actually take cookies AWAY in the rating?
Oh, and another thing, how do fairly well known actors wind up in a crap-fest like this? Do they not have SOME standards? I don’t know how they could show their faces in polite company again. Brent Spiner, I’m so disappointed in you.
List of funnier movies than this mess:
Anything.
Excellent review! Sleep tight! 😉
The movie mostly used the Spiderman plot as scaffolding onto which it spit-balled sight gags, references to other superhero movies, cringy one-liners for Leslie Neilson, and a few extended gags. The bad version of that.
35 minutes in. Using a toilet for Xavier’s wheelchair was the first laugh. It was set up well enough with other, more plausible transports. This after a 35 minute stream of gags that weren’t funny. This mockery of walk and talks needed to be done on behalf of all of us who don’t believe “walks” is really an action and don’t appreciate the distraction in movies that overly force diverse things to happen during the walk and talks. Stargate may have had a lot of sitting at tables, but at least it wasn’t lying to itself about whether action was happening.
Using the toddler bike for Xavier’s wheelchair was overplaying the joke – overplaying makes funny jokes retroactively not funny anymore. And this is the last time I give the movie credit for laughs because I learned that the moment I thought it might be funny was the moment before the joke got overplayed.
40 min. Okay, the costuming/gazing over the city scenes were a decent spoof, but it’s 40 minutes into the movie and if this was in the theater in 2008, I’d have already walked out so what’s the point of a decent scene 40 minutes in?
45 min. in. The newspaper editor was just some guy in a dark suit who offered to pay for photos. Did they seriously pass on making fun of J Jonah Jameson? What’s the point of anything?
1 hour – “You’re one lucky man.” Telling a grieving widower how hot his dead wife is almost made necrophilia jokes worth enduring.
“You’re no longer in my five.” That might’ve been funny in 2008. I forget.
Scary Movie worked as a spoof of Scream, but this movie was the lazy version of that concept and years too displaced from the movies it spoofed. Superhero Movie was just Spiderman made sucky by slapstick, which was already done in Spiderman 2.
@gforce – a paycheck’s a paycheck.
@gforce –
It was mercifully short.
And I was torn when I saw Spiner. We’d already had our warning from Joe not to bother. But, SPINER! How could it be that bad? But Joe said it was. So torn. And now not torn, just disappointed in Spiner.
@bailey: I tell myself that every weekday.
@gforce – LOL, me too!
That review is about how I watch most tv these days, even stuff I love. 😛
Anways…
Just wanted to share this Kickstarter project info on a new comic book that aims to bring awareness to the plight of people with albinism in Tanzania. For those unfamiliar with what’s going in that and surrounding countries, those with albinism – often children – are butchered alive for their body parts. Witch doctors have convinced people that the body parts have magical properties, so these people are being hunted down like animals. Though this is a ‘supernatural horror story’, it draws on what is actually happening right now in Africa. I know the creators from the Bendis forum, and needless to say I’m in. This is one of those things that haunt me at night as I live in relative security and comfort, knowing on the other side of the earth people are being hunted and chopped to pieces because of ignorance and greed.
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/laporte/flesh-of-white-comic-surviving-albinism-in-tanzani
das
Just to put a real face on the situation in Tanzania there’s a nice batch of photos at Nat Geo:
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2013/01/130125-albino-albinism-tanzania-witch-doctors/
das
Ohhhhhh. Okay, I get it now. The name of this movie is “Superhero Movie”. When you said yesterday, “Resident film reviewer Cookie Monster drops by tomorrow as our Supermovie of the Week Club reconvenes to discuss Superhero Movie.” . . . I was like, okay but what is the name of the movie? I know it is a superhero movie, but what is the name? “Superhero Movie”. 🙄 How unoriginal. You should have been tipped off by that name alone.
Love your review Coookieeee. 😛
@ gforce – even better review than Monster’s.
@ DP – you too!
I am ashamed to admit that this one is in my video library; my defense is that I bought it cheap, without having seen the movie before purchase…
So glad I’m out of the loop when it comes to non-Stargate movies. It looks like I didn’t miss anything.
*yawn*
A scary thought from Wikipedia:
“Though the film received mostly negative reviews from critics, it was more positively reviewed than previous spoofs like Meet the Spartans and Epic Movie.”
So count yourself fortunate. You got to watch one of the BETTER ones…
@Deborah Rose: Burn it! With fire!
@das: That’s terrible!
I was particularly annoyed at this movie for the way in which the bad guy sucked the life out of his victims to give him self strength, leaving them an aged, shriveled shell. Sound familiar? It was so much like the Wraith that I can’t believe it’s accidental.
Quick stepmom update: I actually wasn’t able to make it in to the hospital yesterday as now *I* have the flu, and feel terrible. (Not to mention completely stressed out.) I heard that she’s a bit more stable now though and had a pretty good day yesterday. I’m HOPING she’s out today and things can get back to normal.
At least we have good movies coming up in February.
Hey, das! Hellboy II on Feb. 25!
That situation with albinos in Tanzania is horrifying and tragic.
@Joe: all of the upcoming movies say 2012.
I see you are reading Still Life with Crows. I hope you enjoy it. I did.
I do feel quilty not getting my act in gear to watch some of these “gems.” however, after reading Cookies in depth review…LOL…I am glad I really did have something much more important to do – like preparing for a test. Really!
Rotten Tomatoes: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1159618-superhero/
Okay, one reviewer actually liked it, and more than a third of the audience did?! It’s clear some severe beatings are in order.
.gforce
Oh, and another thing, how do fairly well known actors wind up in a crap-fest like this? Do they not have SOME standards? I don’t know how they could show their faces in polite company again.
I feel pretty much the same way. I’m so not interested in any of these stupid “teeny bopper” movies. IMO this is just a further dumbing down of the species, slowing down whatever chances people (kids, teens, young adults…) might have in becoming mature enough to relate to and take part in a civil and progressive society.
Hello from dreich Scotland.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21235195 I have never seen anybody take a photograph of a meal whilst dining. But I have just found this article from the BBC.
Susan (the Tartan Turtle)
@ gforce – There are several life-sucking Marvel characters. Including Bloodscream (created in the 80’s, I believe) who has long white hair and who drains his victim’s blood/life force through his hand. If they survive they are left with a mark where his hand touched them, but he can also continue to drain them – or feed upon them – until they crumple into a withered husk.
Sound familiar? 😉
@ Sparrowhawk –
JoeyCookie Monster is brutal. I fear what he will do to poor, misunderstood Nuada… especially when… ya know… our sweet prince kinda-sorta feels up his sister. 😛das
I had mixed hopes for this movie. Airplane! is in my top ten all time greatest movies and superhero movies are so ripe for parody so how could you go wrong? Well, it seems you can go very wrong. Very, very wrong.
I was very worried that this was Leslie Nielsen’s last movie but, thankfully, it looks like he did a few more before he died. Alas, I don’t think they were any better.
Richie Cunningham’s mum doesn’t fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I can say is that Sara Paxton was quite nice to look at and if it wasn’t for that I’d probably have poked out my eyeballs.
Will anything top The Incredibles?
I don’t think so.
Hamster pellets and Play-Doh? That’s pretty bad, Cookie. Pretty bad indeed. I don’t care much for even mash-ups on Glee.