So I was perusing the internet today in search of some edifying and thought-provoking material when, appropriately enough, I came across an article in Yahoo Entertainment news titled “Celebrity Phobias and Obsessions”. http://omg.yahoo.com/news/celebrity-phobias-and-obsessions/25369?nc. Oh, do tell. The anxiety-producers listed range from the perfectly understandable (ie. Daniel Radcliffe’s fear of clowns) to the somewhat bizarre (ie. Nicole Kidman’s fear of butterflies or Christina Ricci’s fear of indoor plants). It got me to thinking about my own phobias and lack thereof. Nope, no weird, illogical fears for me. I do, however, have some altogether rational aversions and “subjects of general uncomfortableness” that, to the uninformed, may seem a little…er…eccentric. But not really…
Clowns: While I wouldn’t hesitate to punch one in the face if one ever approached me in the street, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m afraid of clowns. I simply don’t like ‘em. Why? Because a significant portion of them are either sadistic serial killers or prone to demonic possession. The rest are just depressing. That’s it. Sad or dead. Take your pick. Don’t believe me? A search for “killer clown” turns up an astounding 111 000 results! Compare this to the paltry 3 310 results for “killer acrobat” or the meager 882 results for “killer circus elephant”.
Heights: This is as close to a phobia as it gets. Not only will I NOT step onto a balcony, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable to watch someone I know step onto a balcony. Irrational fear? Are you kidding me? Just run a google search for “balcony collapse” and you’ll be surprised to see they’re not that uncommon (7 420 items found) – though, admittedly, not quite as common as “roller coaster collapse” (12 200 items found).
Roller Coasters: See above.
Komodo Dragons: Okay, granted, the likelihood of my running afoul of one of these venomous lizards is remote, but I’m sure that’s what Mr. Sharon Stone thought a couple of years back when one of them mistook his white tennis shoes for a pair of tasty-looking mice. A simple google search confirms my concerns. “Komodo Dragon kills man” = 96 400 results. “Komodo Dragon saves man” = 0 results.
Snakes: They bite, poison, strangle, and, occasionally, swallow whole. And you’re telling me I have nothing to fear? A simple google search says different: 80 300 results! As opposed to the comparatively meager returns for “baboon attacks”: 9 210 results.
Baboons: See above.
Gas Barbeques: Okay, I’ll admit it. I don’t own a barbeque because I don’t want to get blown up. You may laugh but, just this past weekend, someone Fondy knows had their barbeque blow up on them. A google search for “barbeque explodes” yields 1 150 results. Oh, and I won’t be investing in an espresso machine anytime soon. “Espresso machine explodes” brings up 7 180 results.
Off the top of my head, that’s it. Nothing weird or illogical so far as I can see. Of course, just because I don’t have any phobias doesn’t mean you don’t. But you shouldn’t feel ashamed. Some experts believe that phobias are the echoes of our ancestral past; genetic self-defense mechanisms. Your fear of public speaking, for instance, probably stems from your ancient forefather’s inability to deliver an accomplished keynote speech to the local chapter of his Cave Dweller’s Association, a failure that no doubt resulted in his premature demise and your ongoing anxiety at company meetings. It’s all perfectly normal and the first step to coming terms with your phobia is admitting you have a phobia. The second step is knowing the unpronounceable name that goes with your phobia. If nothing else, “I’m nephophobic.” sounds far graver and more worthy of an acquaintance’s sympathy than “I’m scared clouds.” And so, to help you out, listed below are a bunch of phobias and their fancy names. Find yours then confirm and share with the rest of us in the comments section. Hey, we’re all friends here.
Aibohphobia: Fear of palindromes
Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth
Aulophobia: Fear of flutes
Barophobia: Fear of gravity
Celtophobia: Fear of Celts
Deipnophobia: Fear of dining and dinner conversations.
Macrophobia: Fear of long waits.
Metrophobia: Fear of poetry.
Papaphobia: Fear of the Pope.
Pogonophobia: Fear of beards.
Syngenesophobia: Fear of relatives.
Xanthophobia: Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow.
More pics from Stage 4, again the Destiny set in various stages of construction. Let’s call this one “Entrances and Exits”. Oh, and mailbag down below…
Onu writes: “Confession time – long time lurker, first time poster! Been in and about this site for almost two years now, and figured was ’bout time to join in the fun.
Question for you Joe. Not sure if you’ve answered or addressed this before, but do you ever read or buy ebooks?”
Answer: I don’t buy ebooks. Call me set in my ways, but I look the feel of a real book and the look of a real bookshelf. Also, welcome aboard. Please don’t forget to pay your membership dues.
Major D. Davis writes: “1. Hey joe did you at all miss me?
2. You said downloads don’t count for the drop off.. Huh!!! What drop off.. I thought season 5 was selling very well.. Was I wrong?
3. A pole was taken and 88% of people said they wouldn’t watch universe.. doesn’t all the negative buzz scare you… Just a tiny bit?
4. When I visited the Bridge I got to talk to security guard Bill, I wanted to send him a letter but I don’t know where, could I write an email in the form of a comment, and then have you forward the email to him.”
Answer: 1. Uh, sure. After the second day, put out an amber alert.
2. The drop-off obviously refers to a significant downturn in dvd sales since late 2008.
3. Not especially. a. I’d question the statistical value of said poll. b. At the end of the day, I know we’ve produced an excellent product. And, come October, it’ll be up to the viewers to decide. Not just SF viewers, or Stargate viewers, or online fans of the franchise, or angry online fans of the franchise, but ALL viewers
Chevron7 writes: “Hey there everyone. Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA lately, miss me?”
Answer: Calling off that second amber alert…
Amz writes: “Our lovely little puppy Lily has taken to, ahem, venting more than atmosphere inside (if you get my meaning). Any chance you could go all Dog Whisperer and give me some advice on how to deal with that?”
Answer: Check his diet. Changes in what he eats could account for this. Have you been feeding him refried beans?
Anaise33 a ecrit: “1) Le 1er épisode de sgu commence dans la base d’sg1?
2) Joel Goldsmith va t’il composer des musiques pour SGU?
Reponses: 1) Non. 2) Oui.
Translation: 1) Cheyenne Mountain will not be a location in SGU’s first episode.
2) Joel Goldsmith will be composing music for the new series.
Nadine writes: “I think I’ve asked this already (in which case, sorry), but have you read Mary Doria Russell’s “The Sparrow”, and the sequel “Children of God”? If so, which do you prefer?”
Answer: I read The Sparrow and liked it.
Rachael writes: “ What is Colonel Telford’s first name?
Answer: Colonel Zak Telford. I’m not sure about the spelling of his first name however. Could be Zak, Zach, Zac, Zack, or ZzaaakK!
DP writes: “How many beats are in an episode?”
Answer: The number of beats in an episode vary wildly.
JYS writes: “I’m doing a stage at Fuel Sun – Thurs.”
Answer: Have fun! Don’t overcook the salmon!
AndyBrind writes: “what nationality accent will robert carlyle be using in the new series?”
Answer: Latvian. Surprised?
Otros Ojos writes: “I think an entirely new lode of sea-creature speculation is just begging to be explored by sci-fi & fantasy writers. . . .”
Answer: You should have joined us when Jeff Vandermeer’s City of Saints and Madmen was our book of the month pick. Pick it up. Cephalopods abound!