Rob
Rob

 

Brad
Brad
Carl
Carl
Lawren
Lawren
Ashleigh and I in "No Laughing Matter".
Ashleigh and I in "No Laughing Matter".

Today being April 1st, I felt I would be remiss if I didn’t play some sort of practical joke. Specifically, some sort of practical joke on the new office Executive Producer’s Assistant, Ashleigh. So the first thing I did when I got in this morning was send Ashleigh a request from the studio:

“Hello Ashleigh,

Janet Przyjaciół here from MGM. Someone in the production offices suggested I get in touch with you regarding this matter.

The studio is planning a retrospective of long-time stage actor Theodore Wilson who passed away last month. Apparently, he appeared in two Stargate episodes and we would like to include scenes from these episodes in the retrospective. Unfortunately, I don’t have the titles. I would appreciate your help on this matter.

Thanks,

JJ

Note the unpronounceable last name chosen to discourage any potential follow up phone calls to the studio (“Hi, yes, I’d like to speak to Janet Przzz…Pryzzzzz….Prrrzzzyeeehakkeeole?”). About an hour later, my phony email account received the following response:

“Hi Janet,

I have checked IMDB and Gateworld and cannot find him on the site; I chatted with Lawren and he said that we don’t keep a database of past actors and their respective episodes. The only other thing I can suggest is getting in contact with his agent. Once you come across the episode titles, we would be more than happy to supply you with the DVD’s. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.

Cheers,

Ashleigh”

Hunh. The prospect of seeing her spend the entire afternoon in the writer’s room, going through every cast list of every script dissolved away. Disappointed, I had Janet write back:

“Hi Ashleigh,

I appreciate the quick response. Unfortunately, we don’t have access to a database either.

Theodore was represented by his wife Elizabeth (xxx). Drop her an email and I’m sure she’ll be able to help.

Thanks again,

JJ

I waited. And waited. Had lunch. Waited some more. Deciding she needed a little prodding, I had the late Theodore’s wife contact her:

“Hello Dear,

Someone from MGM Studios asked me to get in touch with you regarding my late husband, Theodore. It’s nice to hear he still has many fans out there. If you’re interested, he’ll be making his final convention appearance at the Collectormania Con in Burbank this weekend. I hope to see you there.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth”

Success! Minutes later, Liz received the following response:

“Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for contacting me; I am the new Executive Producers’ Assistant for the new Stargate show, Universe. I was contacted by MGM regarding 2 episodes Theodore appeared in on one of our series for Stargate. We are unable to find the information anywhere and MGM would like to include his episode footage in a retrospective. Would you happen to know which episodes he was in? Once I have that information I can go from there and hand over the episodes to MGM.

Thank you,

Ashleigh”

Stargate? Really?! Liz was quick to respond:

“Ashleigh,

You work for Stargate? Coincidentally, my late husband made several guest appearances on your show.

Small world.

Liz”

Moments later, another emails from Ashleigh:

“Hi Elizabeth,

Would you happen to know which episodes he appeared on?

Thank you

Ashleigh.”

Which episodes….Which episodes…Let’s see…Liz wrote back:

“Ashleigh,

I believe they were two episodes from the first series. He played the leader of an alien tribe called the Praktok(?). I recall that several years after the episode aired, we flew to Poland for a convention appearance only to be arrested as we were making our way through customs. It turned out the word, Praktok I believe it was, is a very offensive word in the Polish language. Would you happen to know who came up with the title and whether they were of Polish heritage?

Liz”

And, seconds later, I followed up with:

“P.S. Was that a yes to the Burbank convention?”

As I was about to hit “send”, Ashleigh walked into my office and asked me if I was familiar with an alien race from SG-1 called “the praktok”? “Pratok”? Hmmmm. I sat back, searching my mind. Praktok….Pratok… “Doesn’t really ring a bell,”I told her. “Are you sure it’s not tokra?” ”. She threw me a suspicious look? Was I being serious? “Of course,”I told her. “Why?” “It’s not that I don’t trust you,”she said, “but – I don’t trust you.” I told her I was hurt. Did she really think I would make up a name like tokra? No, the tokra were very real – but, unfortunately, they appeared in some fifty episodes. Ashleigh explained the situation: studio request, retrospective for deceased actor, 70 year old woman with faulty memory, her futile attempt to find any reference to the pratok or patrok on Gateworld or anywhere else online. Yep, I suggested she go with tokra but, given the ten seasons we did, it was very possible we did introduce an alien race with a similar name. I wished her luck as she headed out. “Good luck!” I said.

I then followed up with yet another email:

“Ashleigh,

This seventy-eight year old brain isn’t what it used to be but occasionally it still impresses. The episode titles suddenly came to me out of the blue while I was draining my dog’s anal glands: Victorious Climax and Memories of Yesteryear.

Also, it would be lovely to have you at the Burbank con. The man who usually helps me pack and unpack the corpse himself passed away earlier this week.

Liz”

I casually strolled by Ashleigh’s office on the way to set. She sat at her desk, brow furrowed in consternation. But, on my way back twenty minute later, she had a huge smile on her face.

“Hey, what’s up?”I asked innocently, finding it almost impossible to keep a straight face.

“Nothing,”she knowingly replied. “Just sending off an email.”

“Who to?”I asked.

“Oh, no one.”.

“About those titles,”I said. “Sometimes, what happens is they translate the episode names into another language like, say, German – “

“I see,”she said. “So maybe I should translate the titles to German, then retranslate them back to English.”

“Yeah,”I agreed before heading off. “You should try that.”

I left her, still smiling, and returned to my office where I found the following email sitting in Liz’s inbox:

“Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for sending the titles. My executive producer, Joe Mallozzi has offered to sponsor me, so I have grabbed his card already and have booked my flight down to Burbank.

He is my favourite producer J

See you this weekend.

Ashleigh”

Touché

A bunch of us have plans to go out for dinner tonight. Ashleigh has already informed me that I’ll be picking up the bill. And, by the way, she’s sworn revenge.

I think I might work from home for the rest of the season.

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susan malcolm
Guest
susan malcolm

Ashleigh seems to fit in well – I hope that she enjoys her job. It was nice of you to help her settle in like this. smile

It is now tomorrow already here. On reading the newspapers yesterday morning I was looking out for all the April Fools articles. The sad thing is that the world has become so bizarre that it was hard to find one story that was exceptionally absurd amongst the pages and pages of absurd articles.

“Stop the world – I wanna get off”

cat4444
Guest
cat4444

And, by the way, she’s sworn revenge.

And you certainly deserve it. Did you at least ask her how she twigged to your con?

Jean
Guest
Jean

Way to go Ashleigh. Looks like she’ll fit right in.

smile

Deni B.
Guest
Deni B.

Hi Joe, I about peed my pants with this one smile I hope she gets the most expensive item on the menu, times 2.

@Ashleigh: Well done! Next time, book some tickets to Hawaii.

Janet
Guest
Janet

Better watch your back Joe, Ashleigh is out for blood!!

Thornyrose
Guest
Thornyrose

Hilarious! You’re lucky Ashleigh hasn’t followed your blog in past years, or the jig would have been up a lot sooner. But she has a good head on her shoulders. I hope she orders a 9 course meal, with violinist and appropriate wines with each course. She might as well torture you properly. Are you the only person at Bridge who got into the spirit of the day? Or mayhap you were the victim of someone else’s doings? Anyways, today is my dad’s birthday; he’s a walking medical miracle and a big fan of the Stargate franchise. I’ve already told him he’s going to hang in another couple of dozen years while you folks keep putting out quality episodes. On that note, isn’t it time for you to get back to the real work? And thanks for the laugh I got out of todays post.

Barbaro
Guest
Barbaro

Serves you right. Don’t mess with a woman, Joe.

Brian
Guest
Brian

Joe, you left out how she picked up on the joke! What typed her off? The dog reference?

Ugly Pig
Guest
Ugly Pig

Wow. Pure (evil) genius.

caitlyanna
Guest
caitlyanna

That is so much better than the practical joke we were thinking of playing on our boss’s boss. I now work at a bank and we were going to tell Gail that the vault was short $36,000.00 (USD) and that we couldn’t figure out what had happened but that we didn’t have time to search for it because the stretch humvee limo was waiting to take us to Vegas. Charlie had to ruin it yesterday because she told Gail what we were planning. It was the best thing we could come up with given the circumstances surrounding the banks in America right now. Charlie said that even after we would explain that is was a joke, we’d still be fired, even though Gail was laughing when Charlie was explaining it to her.

Sounds like Ashleigh’s going to fit right in there at Stargate. And please let us know what she does to get you back.

TwiceBorn
Guest
TwiceBorn

HA, thanks for the laughs. I never do anything fun for April 1st.

dasNdanger
Guest
dasNdanger

Joe, Joe, Joe…you are just so deliciously EVIL! lol But I can’t wait for Ashleigh to get her paybacks! twisted

@ ytimynona – Yes – Gibbs just makes the show (although I must admit that Abby is my fav, then McGeek, then Gibbs…but they are all really close).

What I’m really liking is the whole Todd/Shep vibe between Kort and Gibbs. The deal-making, the shaky trust, the secrets…it’s a great relationship. I just don’t expect Kort to survive too long, though…mainly because I really like the slippery li’l bastard! Seems all the great characters don’t last too long…

@ AMBER – If you’re reading this – yes, I saw your reply and replied back. Stinker. wink

das

Shawna
Guest
Shawna

Haha, nice. Though I’m a bit surprised she didn’t catch on at the mention of a dead guy attending a con.

Christle
Guest
Christle

-laughs- Ah, Ashleigh…I like her already! And yeah, Joe, working from home for awhile is likely a very good idea, you’re safer there.

EricaHP
Guest
EricaHP

Ha, love the episode summaries on the whiteboard there.

Karen MT
Guest
Karen MT

Awesome! I’m glad to see she was a good sport about it. My favorite prank today was helping convince my coworkers in a callcenter that we were going to have to start wearing uniforms. Ah, the panic that ensued!! Too bad I wasn’t there for the reveal, but I’ll find out tomorrow.

Ponytail
Guest
Ponytail

You are wicked. You better watch out Joe. Ashleigh seems pretty quick on her feet. I would have smelled a rat once you started talking dogs and anal glands.

Craig MD
Guest
Craig MD

What the heck? Were those the episode titles for all of SGU season 1 on the board behind Carl? The most interesting one is “Death of T.C”. Hmmm.

unegawaya
Guest
unegawaya

Nice. I wanted to prank my friends, but I suppose I’d have to have friends to prank first. Then again, I could always prank random people. That could be fun. I can see the headlines now: “April Fool’s Day Prank Gone Horribly Awry. Details at 11.” And then they’ll launch into an hour-long news story about how a college student thought it would be funny to prank her professor, maybe by finding his/her address and hanging a … well, never mind. Needless to say, I’d never do anything nearly that interesting.

Narelle from Aus
Guest
Narelle from Aus

Practical Jokes = Recipe for disaster.

Have I taught you nothing about Karma Joe?
And messing with a woman? Are you insane?!
You could die an early death just waiting for the payback!

A friend thought it would be funny to log into his best mate’s FaceBook and post his status as Engaged. His mate’s girlfriend saw, got all excited, boyfriend had to explain. They’re taking a break for a while.

My ex’s football team were 365 days a year, 24/7 practical jokers. I lived on edge. One of the final jokes before I departed involved one of their star players, a towel and the contents of some of the hottest chillies available from the local Vietnamese restaurant. The players thought he would just wipe his face, feel some heat and realise. Turned out his crotch was a little sweaty so he’d start with that…

I gave the player the Indian name of “Man With Flaming Nuts”.

Another time we woke up to find his car on bricks. He rang every player to see who was responsible and demanded his expensive wheels back. Turns out they’d really been stolen. Calling every player ensured there was a crowd pointing and laughing within no time at all.

See, creates a bad work environment.

Also For the Love of Beckett will be away for a while. She’s working like a crazy person and has some surgery scheduled for this month. She wanted to say “Hi” to everyone and will return at the start of your Summer.

Iamjohn
Guest
Iamjohn

Are those titles on the whiteboard? Do they leave any true hint as to the nature of the episodes? (especially that last one :p )

anneteldy
Guest
anneteldy

You know, Episode 20, “Reveal”, might just get you people killed. grin

Anne Teldy

whovian
Guest
whovian

Hey Joe,

It’s stories like these that make me glad I never had an older brother. One younger brother was plenty. razz You are pure EVIL! Hopefully Ashleigh is pure evil too! Mwahahahaaaa!

Trish

Tammy
Guest
Tammy

I like the way Ashleigh thinks. Hopefully, she’ll execute the old adage well and keep you waiting, peering uncertainly around every corner, for the next few months while she plots her revenge. Please do let us know when it happens and describe it in great detail! smile

Rumor has it Richard Dean Anderson is in Vancouver this week. Is he guest starring on SGU?

majorsal
Guest
majorsal

interesting episode scenarios on the board behind carl… razz