My mother is 74, yet she still works four days a week, walks her dog two to three times a day, and prepares some of the most labor-intensive holidays dishes this side of the Imperial Palace. Today, for instance, I offered to lend a hand and spent a couple of hours carefully arranging mussels and scampis, basting each morsel with garlic butter and oil, following up with a healthy sprinkling of breadcrumbs, parsley, garlic, and parmesan, then topping them off with a second basting. By the time I was done, I could barely lift my left arm. Yet, to my mother, it’s no big deal at all. All this said, she did admit to me the other day that she was feeling old age catch up with her. “I work six hours straight and I’m exhausted,”she told me. I pointed out that working six hours straight would exhaust pretty much anyone to which she responded: “I used to work thirteen hours straight no problem!”
Despite being active and independent, my mother considers herself fortunate that my younger sister is around to help out whenever the need arises (ie. rides to the doctor, impromptu shopping requests, etc.). In fact, she makes a point of remarking how lucky she is to have children to take care of her in her old age. Yep, mighty lucky. She doesn’t know what she would do without her kids to take care of her. Somewhat not coincidentally, I don’t have any children of my own. Who, exactly, will take care of me in my old age?
I know, I know. I brought this up around this same time last year but, having looked into the prospect of training my dogs to act as caregivers, I’m afraid I’m going to have to bring this subject up again. I believe that last year I also pointed out the thrills and genera satisfaction any true Stargate fan would derive from the opportunity to cook for, dress, and bathe an actual writer-producer of the show they so love. The way I see it, it’s a win-win scenario. Unlike last year, however, I’ve decided to start the hiring process well in advance. So, what I’ll be looking for is:
A great cook who enjoys keeping a clean house and spending quality time with several dogs (walking them, feed them, and, occasionally expressing their anal glands). The individual should also be mobile, own their own car, and be able to pick out fresh pastries and top quality chocolates. A flair for gardening, home repairs, and Swedish massage is also a must. Sponge-bathing experience is not required but appreciated. Finally, the candidate should be female and between the ages of 21-35 during the period of my decrepitude which, conservatively, should be in about thirty years.
Well, in advance of tonight’s festivities, I’d like to wish everyone a Happy New Year! And to fans in China, Korea, Japan, Australia, and New Zeland – Wait up for the rest of us!!!
Today’s entry is dedicated to birthday boys Jay Lewis and author, fellow blogger, and passing acquaintance of Baron Destructo Joe Abercrombie (send him birthday wishes, congratulate him on the completion of his next book, and read his rundown of the editing process here: